Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Football & Religion: Bad Combo



Of all the crazy shit......

Malaysian Clerics Urge Muslims To Shun Manchester United Shirts: 



Islamic clerics in Malaysia have warned their followers not to wear Manchester United shirts, as the club's nickname and iconography depicts the Devil.

United's traditional nickname of the Red Devils and the use of the symbol of a devil on the club badge has prompted clerics in the Asian country to issue the warning.

"This is very dangerous. As a Muslim, we should not worship the symbols of other religions or the devils," said Nooh Gadot, a cleric from Johor state, according to The Daily Mail.

"Even if it is a gift, we should decline it. It is even more sinful when people realise this is wrong and still buy these jerseys to wear."

Believers in Malaysia are also understood to have been urged to shun the national shirts of Brazil, Serbia, Portugal and Norway, as well as Barcelona's jersey, because their use of the cross is also considered un-Islamic


.....???....


Now, if this is the case and some insipid Malaysian Cleric feels that he has to go on the record and claim that my club, Manchester United's long held Red Devil symbol actually causes displeasure to God, then as far as I'm concerned the facts speak for themselves. 

The message is resoundingly clear; The Clerics are all Arsenal Fans.

Here are some thoughts I've compiled:


Sacred Publicity: Firstly these Clerics are suffering from some attention seeking disorder that requires immediate medical treatment: Personally I vote electric shock treatment. Assuming that these poor chaps aren't completely insane in their relevance, I think it'd be safe to assume that they are looking for an entry point into the big time retarded fatwa business that the nut job Arab clerics appeared to have a copyright license on. 

Watch out Arabic Cleric Supremos, you got competition. Next up. I'm waiting for a ban on Fried Chicken , because it's obviously a tool of repression deployed by the evil west to make Muslim Men unfit for battle against the Dark Lords of the Sith. Wait for it.....Farmville is next in line. 

I wonder what this does to their donation inflow: particularly since the majority of Malays tend to hold the Red Devils close to their hearts....and their arms



Zionist Conspiracy: There is obviously some Zionist conspiracy in the Manchester United Symbol......I mean, duh, there has to be. The Malays just aren't clever enough to figure it out. The group that really ought to ban Football in general are the Christians, after all, it kills their Sunday Church Attendance.

Arsenal Investment: The clerics have secretly bought shares in Arsenal Football club and are hoping for a big pay day when the entire billion plus Muslim world professes their love for the Gunners. I'd like to point out that the greatest 'Gunnar' of them all never even played for Arsenal; His name is Ole 'Gunnar' Solskjaer. 

Squad Representation: None of the players from Norway, Serbia, Brazil and Portugal play for Arsenal ....and conveniently Arsenal is trying rather hard to keep their captain from ditching to Barcelona...coincidence, I think not! ...maybe Cesc is secretly Muslim. Manchester United on the other hand have Vidic (Serbia), Nani (Portugal) and a plethora of Brazilians (Anderson, Possebon, Fabio & Rafael)


Arsenal = Muslim Compliant: Manchester United have no Muslim players. Arsenal have Abou Diaby, Bacary Sagna, Robin Van Persie (apparently he doesn't talk about it).

Football Grounds: They don't realize that although some dramatic columnists refer to football fields at as Sporting Cathedrals, that they are in fact not places of religious worship. 


Emblem Kissing: United players do it alot because we do this quaint thing called winning games....we tend to do it alot. Arsenals players on the other hand....play with theirs until they are deemed worthy to leave the club in search of actual sporting success: Trophies

Numbers: A great deal of jealously has emerged as the 76,000 plus attendance Manchester United's historic home stadium Old Trafford  garners far out strips the minute number of worshippers that attend their local service in Malaysia. They are possibly of the view point that the only reason that so many people congregate in such vast numbers (not to mention the TV audience) is because of Satan. duh. 


The clerics actually believe that we care what their opinion with regards to our footballing interests is. I'd like to beat the kid who brought it up in the first place. Someone who obviously has little self worth and needs a cleric to tell him how to live his life. That ladies and gentleman is where Suicide Bombers come from. 

They don't trust the smiley face on the red devil. The vision of trophy less Arsenal fans crying year after year after there team loses again and again....and again, probably sits better with them.  



I have a developed substitute symbol which I think all Clerics, Islamic, Moronic, Platonic and otherwise can appreciate and get behind....well...not literally...Unless they are into that sort of thing.
And now, that that's sorted. Get onto some real business. Like educating Muslims about their religion and spreading a message of peace, love and tolerance, which may of course preclude them from supporting Arsenal.



PS: YO MALAYSIAN IDIOTS! FOOTBALL FANS DON'T ACTUALLY WORSHIP THEIR TEAM'S SYMBOLS.

6 comments:

BoogieMonsterMan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BoogieMonsterMan said...

While this was all very witty and enjoyed as it was meant to be, I have to say that there is some form of truth behind those words, of the Malay cleric, I mean.

If you've watched the arrival you wouldn't be as skeptical about this whole fatwa as you are now.

I'm a very 'liberal' Muslim, if there is such a thing anyway. And when people tell me I must not wear t-shirts with skulls on them, or owl necklaces and all that jazz, I did not believe them. I knwo for a fact that I'M not WORSHIPPING that. I perhaps just appreciate the way it looks.

After watching the arrivals with much skepticism, I'd have to say that I wouldn't disagree. By the use of such symbols, we're being increasingly being conditioned to the Anti-Christ ideology.
Another example of that is the owl being all the rage in jewellery these days..skulls, inverted crosses, etc.

This may seem like a rant to you, but to understnad my comment you'd have to be familiar with The Arrivals.

Alpha Za said...

@BoogieMonsterMan: Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you found the post amusing.

I didn't see the Arrivals, so I can't comment on it.

I did however find this rather interesting link

http://muslimology.wordpress.com/2010/03/18/scholars-respond-and-critique-the-arrivals-film-series/

In terms of your promoting Anti Christ ideology point, I'd like to point out that they banned the Jerseys of Barcelona, Norway, Serbia, etc because of the apparent use of the cross. Because it 'promotes' Christianity.

I do feel that symbols are empty unless they mean something to you. You may favor your skull and crossbones shirt, but you'll hardly errupt in tears when it becomes unwearable. So there is a difference.

Personally, I think there is a liberal muslim category, one that feels other should practice their religion or lack of religion as opposed to imposing Islam on them. That i feel is a sin.

Yo Mista said...

Hilarious post dude, seriously.

Alpha Za said...

@ Yo Mista: Thanks man! Glad you enjoyed it. I invite you to commit sin with me and support my beloved Red Devils (Naq can join too)

Ghausia said...

Zionists? Beelz? Nekkid Malaysians?

JIHAAAAAADDDDDD!!!!!!