Saturday, January 22, 2011

KGS: Hello World! I am Grammarian Scum




nun lucerna pedibus meis verbum tuum et lumen semitis meis
Thy word is a lantern unto my feet and a light unto my paths.
-Jerome’s Latin Vulgate (405 AD)

Ever so often, in both my professional and personal life I am  pointedly reminded of one thing. Not that I am Desi, Shia Muslim, Wear Glasses or that I have a complete lack of rhythm, but that I am a Grammarian.; hence Elitist Ass Kicking Scum. Not that I particularly mind, being the recipient of the best educational institution in the country has its advantages. Chiefly that the uniform doesn't make one look like an idiot. White shirt with Grey Tussar trousers....and no emblem. The fact that its a kick ass school helps too.

Grammarians

Karachi Grammar School has, as most educational institutions that one is forced to attend for a decade or so, has shaped my upbringing, my opportunities and even my friends. It's without competition, the best School in the country (sorry young pretenders, look on the bright side, second place is wide open). It's because of this privileged experience and subsequent exposure that I have often been lectured that a  being a Grammarian, is a responsibility, a privilege and as cliched as it sounds, a burden. Much is given, much more is expected.


I thrive in it, I love it and damn it, I'm proud of it. Yes, you read right. I, a decent man in my mid-twenties am still damn proud of where I went to High School. I'd staple the fact onto my head if it weren't for the fact that I'm so Grammarian that the minute I start talking, people assume it. On the rare occasions that I somewhat reluctantly mention (it's bad manners to brag) that I went to Karachi Grammar School, the audience eyes widen and an envious glint tends to exhibit itself in a rather disconcerting way. A quick self check tends to validate that my clothes are still on and I'm not dancing in a burlesque club (Thank God, I was not kidding about the sense of rhythm). It rather creepy when someone looks at you with that crazed 'are you an Alien' look. I get better treatment from the good folks at Homeland Security (USA). Atleast they are satisfied after the initial pat down.


Now since I'm a Grammarian, hence a minority, even though not quite an endangered species, I still contend that one ought to defend those rights and remove those popular misconceptions about my 'species'. Apparently Grammarians are a species, I'm guessing Elvin.

I'm sure most Grammarian vs. Other School fights are sparked to life by an inherent curiosity if Grammarians bleed like the rest of Pakistan. We do. The blood is a Royal Purple though. Damn, we're so misunderstood.

Popular conceptions about Grammarians:

1. We're Shallow Snobs; We think we're better than everyone else. Now, every school has it's crowd of Shallow Snobs, Grammar is no different, at least ours can make some modicum of sense. It's called, prestige with a healthy side order of  'I don't give a shit.' Super Size please?

Benazir Bhutto: Grammarian Alumni

On a serious note, when everyone treats you like you're the direct progeny of Albert Einstein, you're bound to develop some airs. After a point, you tend to be drawn to people who go through that same experience. It's tough, particularly when you're not even old enough to drive (legally, or reach the gas pedal for that matter). Its not snobbery, it's just human, we are drawn to others with a similarity of habits. Saddam Hussein and Attila the Hun would have also gotten along famously....if they both were smart enough to get into Grammar School.   


2. Weak Food Processing Durability: We get sick from an old fashioned street bun kebab. Weak stomachs and all that, the addiction to mineral water aside, yes we do tend to consume hygienic food, it's certainly a massive cause for shame. We'll just wallow in misery as our life expectancy outlast the rest of the population. Though in some circles one could contend that we're simply averaging the life expectancy up. True Patriots! Take that World Health Statistics!


3. We can't speak Urdu: Largely True, mine sucks, and as much it must pain me to admit, my Urdu speaking scale generally reflect the average Grammarian level. I know for a fact that my version of Urdu adds countless thousands of rupees to my net spending. Thankfully, by being a Grammarian, I tend to earn countless thousands of rupees more.....my personal conclusion being .....So freaking what? Pump up the Economy me and my peeps do. On a side note, our Urdu isn't as bad as most people think, if you don't believe me, check out the number of A's we score in our O'Levels. It's totally Mash'allah.

4. We have accents: I never quite understood this one. Just because we (by in large) don't speak with a desi jhutt (slang) to all of our pronunciations, speaks volumes of our ability to enunciate. Sue me, we prefer pronouncing words correctly. As God, the Queen of England and my 8th Grade English Language Teacher Mrs. Tahir (who despite describing most of my behavior in words like Audacity and Temerity actually quite liked me) intended. Personally I rather blame all of the other language teachers in Pakistan, they obviously didn't grow up with the luxury of watching copious amounts of Mind Your Language, Yes Minister and Hugh Grant.

5. We all take Tuition Classes: Apparently being academic superstars isn't quite as impressive if you are getting extra help outside school. However, I'd like to point out that so does everyone else, we're quite the academic trendsetters. Next up, Grammarians will become fantastic alcoholics....oops, we've already got that reputation signed sealed and delivered. I wonder if parents blame Grammarians for extensively liberalizing their Wannabe Grammarian kids.....

We're also that Elitist Save the World Cretins Too!
Working harder and putting that extra academic effort also tends to explains why KGS students do better than most other schools. It's not rocket science. We have 6 hours of regular school in a day and on average another 4 hours of tuition....plus homework. So, it's not that we're just overtly smarter (which we would humbly admit that we are), we've also developed this mildly useful thing called work ethic. 

6. We're all super smart: It is no secret that Karachi Grammar School is the most  competitive school to gain admission into in Pakistan. On admission form collection days, parents tend to outnumber the entire student body. We call it, we only want the best of the best syndrome. Choosy lot we are. That is unless you have some political birth right, odds are that you need substantial levels of brain power to be accepted. Admittedly, we tend to discriminate on ability, it's called a meritocracy. After all, you can't fix stupid. Inequality is soooooo unfair.

How many Grammarian girls can you fit into a car?....A World Record Number Infact

7. Grammarians are Westernized: We are just as proud of being Pakistani as anyone else, and believe or not we have alot more to lose if Pakistan doesn't emerge from it's perpetual crisis state than most other people.  A fair proportion of Grammarians do leave Pakistan to pursue a future elsewhere, but most do make their homes here in Pakistan. True some of us may pick up western habits like fancy new designer clothes or a penchant for civilized behavior, but hey, a few chai's at Cafe Clifton, Dinners at BBQ tonight and the odd trip to Sunday Bazaar solves that. I personally recommend a healthy addiction to Slice Mango Juice, Apple Sidra and Pakola Lime.



8. We're All Rich: Contrary to the lines of cars one sees outside the Grammar campuses in Saddar and Boat Basin, the student body of KGS is actually fairly diverse along both socio economic and religious lines. In terms of fees the school is actually the cheapest amongst it's peers (haha, that's assuming we even had peers, which we don't). On top of the lower fees, there are also numerous scholarships for students that are based solely on merit. We take the brilliant and make them even better. That's our modus operandi, if the perception exists that all Grammarians are rich, it's because the student body that emerges excels in every field it meanders into....and that usually result in a pretty substantive payoff. That's a testament to the dogged Grammarian spirit and the reputation of the educational institution. 



9. We have the best looking girls: Yes. Guilty as charged. It's the reason that every male child works so damn hard to get into KGS. It's all about the Chicitas. Pity the ladies tend to be of the smart variety. Tip: Learn some sappy sonnets.  

10. We have an unfair advantage in Life. Yep, we do. That's what we get for being Awesome.

Kofi Annan: Grammarian Alumni
Contrary to popular opinion, no one is born a Grammarian, they earn it, through perseverance, excellence, and a dash of style. All satire aside, you make your own place in the world, being a Grammarian and learning the lessons the institution has to offer just gives you a stronger starting point. The rest is up to your  personal drive, ambition and character. We're just lucky that we tend to attract those who have it in abundance.


Let the Grammarian Hating Begin.


For more information on Karachi Grammar School: 
http://www.kgs.edu.pk/Default.aspx
http://www.ogs.com.pk/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karachi_Grammar_School

108 comments:

Furree Katt said...

i used to live two minutes away from Grammar school O.O
i always aspired to be a part of it. i know that it's the most awesome and best school ever, so there's point hatin' because the awesomeness won't change.
i moved out of Pakistan before i had the opportunity for admission there, so i don't feel too bad about not being part of the elite class.
however, this post did clear a lot of things for me, thanks for sharing! :D

Asad said...

Wow, an entire post blatantly baiting hating.
I will not give in. :)

Saaleha said...

I did not know Kofi Annan was a Grammarian Alumni.

Gorilla Bananas said...

It sounds like the Eton College of Pakistan. Do you have a school song? Jolly Barfing Weather might be appropriate.

Ria said...

Good to c u here after a long time...how have u been?? Nice post.

Ghausia said...

Yay you're alive! I was sure you'd suffered some horrible tragedy and possibly departed from the world! Or in a coma! Or worst, without *gasp* INTERNET ACCESS!!!!

Ahem. I'm done. Man I hate you Murtaza mujhe already itna bara complex hai that not only did I go to a cheapass girl's school, but a girl's school which had an incredibly low, trashy crowd, studied in the matric system and am thus stupid, and plus, didn't go to the cool people school where you're networking at the age of thirteen, you just made it worse. :( Mein kia karun my mom didn't want me in an 'evil' co-ed! :( I do plan on doing anything I can to send my kids there though, so I can live vicariously through them. :D

Bodaciousboomer said...

I too am relieved that you've returned to the land of the living. I thought perhaps you'd broken some Pakistani dating rule and been banished or worse.

secret.whispers said...

well i have nothing to contribute...
i left pakistan wayyyyy before anyone had a chance to enroll me in a super competitive/slightly obnoxious/slightly pretentious private school. thank God for that..
but my cousin goes to BOS and his parents are overly satisfied with it..

Maryam said...

Ok, I know this is weird, but I read somewhere on your blogger profile that you're a Grammarian and had thought of asking you to write something like this. It's like you read my mind :)

Lol at 'we have no peers'; I believe that's true too. As for the accents- I know that lots of Grammarians don't have them. In fact, the majority don't. But when I was there, some people did have very distinct American accents. So yeah.

Maryam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Riot Kitty said...

Grammarian is good! I'm the same.

Dani-Q said...

Just thought you should know... there's an award waiting for you over at my blog :D

Maryam said...

I can relate to EVERY WORD. Except I'd have to replace KGS with LGS but the rest is word to word applicable. Ha. This was my favorite part:

"The blood is a Royal Purple though. Damn, we're so misunderstood."

=D

The Adorkable Ditz said...

That sounds like an awesome school. Kinda wish I had that opportunity over here in the US. k-12 schools here kinda suck because they have like no money.

Hopefully college will be different. I'm having the scholarship pay money for it! Hopefully when I transfer to a university I can get even more scholarships. :/

http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

Alpha Za said...

@ Furree Katt: haha, glad you liked the post, I like your 'subservience' to Grammarian awesomeness. All jokes aside, you turned out pretty damn awesome yourself, so don't be fretting!

Alpha Za said...

@ Asad: C'mon....you know you want to :)

Alpha Za said...

@ Saaleha: Thanks for the comment, Yep Kofi was one of our peeps, when his Dad was at the local Consulate.

Alpha Za said...

@ Gorilla Bananas: Salutations, Eton College is actually where we send all the scholar we reject for being incompetent. But I hear good things, they are rumoured to serve quite the fantastic sunday morning brunch.

Silence is our school song, its universal. Jolly Barfing weather would work too.

Alpha Za said...

@ Ria: I've been good, just been really busy lately with work, friends, weddings etc. I've also be low on inspiration and tend to curtail my productivity if I think what I'm producing sucks. Its a healthy policy I think.

Thanks, glad you enjoyed the post!

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: The Aunties and Uncles of the World are Hot on my Tail. Send me Lasagna so I can regain the strength to overcome my pursuers.

haha, fret not, you seemed to have turned out fairly well, and that is down to you more than your school.

something tells me your kids are going to be Grammarians....Let it be so!

Alpha Za said...

@ Bodacious Boomer: They just got done reading my list of charges, apparently I'm quite the bad boy. However, The judge High fived me, so I should be good. Though he did mention that should I be released, I best never even look at his daughter.

Alpha Za said...

@ Riot Kitty: Thumbs up! All hail our ppl!

Alpha Za said...

@ Secret.Whisper: Sadness, you'd have loved it I imagine. Revelled in the pretentious, uber competitive awesome nature of the Student Body :P

BOS?

Alpha Za said...

@ Maryam Khan: Great minds do tend to work alike. I thought it was high time I bring my alma mater into my therapy sessions. The root of all of my problems surely lie there :)

I didn't know you were one of my peeps. I wonder if you were one of the girls who were victims of our Accidental SlipnSlide. oh well. Grammarian Power!

btw, good luck with the CFA results, apparently they are out today!

Alpha Za said...

@ Dani-Q: I'm honored :) Thank you!

Alpha Za said...

@ Maryam Reza: haha, glad you could relate, though as per my last memory LGS was all girls. Not that thats a bad thing!

Alpha Za said...

@ The Adorable Ditz: Yeah, I'm mad lucky that I went to such a kick ass school. The Us educational system does have some issues. Brand new metal detectors versus 20 year old text books. Go figure.

God bless Aid and Scholarship packages, without which, I'd have never been able to attend!

Ghausia said...

BUAHAHAHA and while you were away some loser's parents came to see me, and he's a loser cause apparently, he got a scholarship to the UK and DECLINED. Who does that man!

I can't send you lasagne, all that cheese is fattening, then how will the aunties find you a good rishta?! Do you want to marry some fat ugly chick? I think not!You'll end up with some short, annoying, high-pitched, fat dork like me!

I'm lucky to have parents who truly understand the value of education, they worked very hard on me the poor things, its why I'm fluent in English and read a lot, although I still have a typical desi English accent. :D I have been told I slip into an accent sometimes, probably a leftover habit from all the elocutions I participated in because I am a giant geeky dork. :D But yeah, I flunked my way through middle and high school. I just wasn't interested in what they were teaching. I liked eight grade history and ninth grade Islamiat, and all my English courses, but that was it. I wish I'd at least been in the cambridge system, because courses like sociology, psychology, they're totally my kinda thing.

Hey, for the kids to go to KGS, I'll need a loooot of money, I looked it up, the fees for I think three months is like, 23gs so O_O. My monthly fees at PECHS used to be around 2600 max!So either I a)sell my soul and write for money, b) switch to a lucrative field instead, or c) marry rich.

Alternatively, I can just go to sleep. Finals ended today,and a month of sleep woohoo!I plan on consuming copious amounts of coffee, cammping out at the Karachi Lit Fest all weekend, and sleeping! And that's pretty much it. Also, Espresso has great cookies but the Shahbaz one has shitty service. Hrmph. I complained!

Maryam said...

Yeah, its all girls but the boys branch was almost always there (kisi na kisi bahanay se) too so =P

Sex, Drugs and Bacon Sandwiches said...

Dang, boy you can write! :)

beautydiva said...

Asak, great blog man. You write great. But sadly I couldnt find out how to follow you :( so if you could just let me know how to follow it. Do visit my blog sometimes as well :)

Alec Lindsay said...

According to my dictionary a grammarian 'is a person whose occupation is the study of grammar.' I think that means pedant. It goes on to say that a grammarian 'usually has little to contribute to a discussion and possesses few effective weapons.' This seems like the start of a case which suggests that you may not be a Grammarian! :)
It's wonderful to have you back :D even if you have decided to make a claim to higher social status than before. In your previous incarnation, you may be pretending to forget, you claimed to be some kind of banker! ;)
You can tell how weakened I am. I seem to have complimented you. Love, Alec xx

sm said...

beautiful pics

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Look at all those handsome Grammarians in the first two pics. Darn the luck; I went to the wrong school.

PS Thanks for dropping by and liking my tune pics. Do you really have a radio station? Very cool.

xoRobyn

Mariam said...

I heard about this school and I am sure that it would be one of the best in Karachi or may be THE best.

As far as I know Benazir Bhutto went to St. Joseph, wasnt she?

And Kofi Annan is a grammarian? Thats surprising.

Interesting post it is and I have no doubt that you are one of the Shallow Snobs of KGS : p

Taimur said...

Haha, KGS the school of snobs.

I liked it, I came to give my A-level papers. My mum didn't want me to go to KGS because of all the 'Western' crowd there, so I spent it at Pats. You can't convince your parents at that age you know, unlessyou want to sour things up...

Wish I had gone to KGS though, a bit more western touch would've helped, given I am studying in the 'West' lol.

Maryam said...

No way, I was a new G. So now you know :P *gasp*

And yeah, I got my result. Didn't clear it. I guess I'm a certified dumb fuck now :(

Ugly Shoelace said...

Hear hear!

Dude, glad to know you are alive.

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: Haha, don't be a hater, just because he turned down moving away from the Country he loves doesnt make him a Loser....well, it may, but still. There is also the possibility he didnt go because its that damn expensive and he didnt want to pony up the cash. I actually seriously contemplated going to Lums for my Undergrad instead of the US because of the cost.

I'm a boy, my salary stub will decide my rishta. Send the Lasagne.


I still think you are a nerd. trust me, I can sense these things.

Interesting, I know Grammar is cheaper than most other top ranked A-O level schools. Did I not mention academic scholarships.

Enjoy your sleep, well earned I'm sure and tell Michelle at Shahbaz Espresso to get his act together.

Alpha Za said...

@ Maryam Reza: Such Lewdness would not be tolerated if we lived under a strict Islamic Shariah!

Alpha Za said...

@ Sex, Drugs and Bacon Sandwiches: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the post!

Alpha Za said...

@ BeautyDiva: Thanks, glad you enjoyed the blog. I have a followers button on the top right hand of my blog, that should make it easier for you to keep track of my craziness.

Thanks again!

Alpha Za said...

@ Alec: You make very valid points, however, in order to confuse our followers, we changed the dictionary to distract them and lead them off to a different path. You caught it. bravo.

it has been a while, I could have had many incarnations :)

Alpha Za said...

@ Sm: Thanks!

Alpha Za said...

@ Rawkin Robyn: Thanks, glad you enjoyed the post and how good looking me and my peeps are :)

I actually have a Business show at a local Radio station here in Pakistan, its rather good times.

Alpha Za said...

@ Mariam: It is indeed the best :) Case and Point!

She attended Grammar as well. Apparently she didnt get along well with her classmates.

Kofi was one of us, you can tell by the way the room smells like roses every time he farts.

haha, thanks, I'll franchise that at Shallow Snobs R Us.com

Alpha Za said...

@ Taimur: Excellent, now you have tonnes of ready made excuses to throw at your parents next time they get mad at you.

Alpha Za said...

@ Maryam K: Its okay, I think you're awesome, so we'll claim you :)

You contributed significantly by bringing up our average scores :P

Sorry dude, fret not, Take it in the summer and inshallah you'll pass it. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger no? And next time on your paper just write grammarian and leave the rest blanks....they'll automatically pass you :)

Alpha Za said...

@ Ugly shoe lace: Thanks, good to be back and glad you liked the post! Long Live KGS Produced Young Adults!

Pesto Sauce said...

Good to know you admire your alma matter so much. In India some residential schools are famous - Doon and Mayo have produced some of the brightest Indians

Ghausia said...

We did assume that it might be because of the cash problem, according to the dad, he didn't go because he would rather start a business here then have to do a job there. Afraid of hard work, pshaw! I can't believe you almost went to Lums man, I mean, IBA was still there you know. Lums is so eww!

Well even if its your salary that decides your marriage, do you want to be fat and dumpy for your hot gold-digging wife? Do yoooou?

Hah I'm a geek, nerds are just smart at everything, me, I scrape by with Bs and Cs and get As in things I like. I did geek out on an ET blog though, the fucker compared Veena Malik to Xena! The HORROR! Xena changed my life dude, gotta stick up for the show.

Oh speaking of women, mubarak ho, I finally find Katrina hot! It was Sheila and her jawani that did me in. I watched the thing again on the recent awards show, and felt mildly bicurious. Don't worry, it passed.

Oh you know what, the bhabi's Grammarian too and I guess her siblings as well, so her sister was telling us the last time we met that all the friends she has that are expecting, they actually plan their pregnancies according to the month in which the kid wil be born to ensure that they match KGS's criteria. Why not just get a fake birth certificate? A lot of girls at my school did that.

You're on a first-name basis with the people at Espresso. That is SO sad. I dropped by there after the horrible two hour class, the teacher kept trying to make a musalman out of me, it was awful Murtaza awful! Each time he'd go, how can it be that everything wasn't created by someone, and I'd be like, I fucking know its impossible I said I'm agnostic not atheist and even that's fishy because I actually do believe in Islam! He just wouldn't give up! I'd better get an A in his class, seriously.

Buahaha the word verification code for this comment says witskill. Yes, we know you have wit and mad skillz Murtaza, stop making your blog tell us that too. :D

HumorSmith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HumorSmith said...

Wow! I learned so much. Let me see if I can remember some of it....oh yeah. White shirts.

Thanks for following!

TLW said...

Dude, you're just awesome.

And in this picture I recognise the second and third Grammarians from the right.

Which year was it?


And is the Grammar boy on the extreme right this Nadi Hassan?

Maryam said...

I don't know. It's not the failing it that's killing me. It's the how can I be dumber that a lot of the other dumbos who cleared it. Apparently I do think too much of myself. I mean, I went to KGS :P :(

I'm thinking of giving it in the summer again. But giving up so much- shopping, AH, etc, along with IB....it's gonna be really depressing. The last six months were, so I know.

Maryam said...

*than

karachi feminist said...

as one grammarian to another, ashamed, ashamed, ashamed of you. You should drown in a "chulli bhar paani," for writing this column. Oh sorry, your urdu is bad. You are 20 something. Why, this essay would not have made it to Pulse. And if you spent 10 years there you are obviously not a true grammarian like us who spent 13 -14 years there starting from kindergarten, and as they say the first four years are the most formative. No wonder you are till trying to prove yourself to us, you lovable, little shit! Go find a cause or something.

Alpha Za said...

@ Pesto: Some Schools are better than other, and we ought to appreciate the ones we went to.

...There is a school called Mayo....naise?

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: What can I say, I was rather interested in living on my own for a bit.

I'll decide on that as I eat my delicious cheese samosa.

Xena was pretty awesome. I wonder what her retirement home is like? With Thor?

Katrina was always hot, glad you finally saw the light.

Um, ethical reasons? besides its confusing for a kid to have multiple Birthdays!...I actually knew a few kids who did have the fake Birth certificates.

Get you teacher a Coffee from Expresso and spike it with laxatives. If you get caught, just tell him you wanted to help drain him of his 'completely full of shit-ness'....trust me, You'll thank me.

My Blog was intelligently designed :)

Alpha Za said...

@ HumorSmith: Haha, yes, white shirts indeed.

You have a seriously awesome Blog Dude!

Alpha Za said...

@ TLW: Thanks man, glad you liked it. That was actually my year, so taken around 2003-2004.

That is not Nadir Hassan, though I can see why you may think so.

Alpha Za said...

@ Maryam K: Eh, it happens, we all have disappointments, we just have to pick ourselves up, dust off, check ourselves out in the mirror and get on with it. Sometimes it takes a kick in the teeth to get us back on track. Albert Einstein flunked through school for God's Sakes.

Check out Abe Lincolns Life
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln

Just put the time in, and you'll be great and when you pass it, you'll feel awesome. Guaranteed.

Alpha Za said...

@ Karachi Feminist: You think I'm Lovable!!! How Awesome is That?

http://alphaza.blogspot.com/p/disclaimer.html

Ghausia said...

Well I get the wanting to live on your own, but...Lums? Really?

All those cheese samosas will get you a matlabi gold-digging wife instead of a nice girl young man!

Hah didn't she kill Thor? I bet it was with Ares. The dude that played Ares died. :( Man, me and my sister were obsessed with the show, I made myself a cardboard sword and scabbard and chakram and Gabrielle's sis I even had the war-cry perfected. *hides* Well, at least you don't know that I spent one year RPG-ing on LotR RPG sites. Oh wait...

She's hot, but not pretty. I'm the best wingwoman ever, my best guy friend is a very lucky dude. :D

Why what's so unethical about it? The kid doesn't have to have two birthdays... *shifty look* Not that I would know, since I didn't do the fake bday thing...

lol I absolutely will do that if I get the guy again. Yaar it was hard to tell him off because he's a really nice guy and he kept saying "Don't mind if I say this but..." Call me old-fashioned but papa taught me to respect a man with silvered hair and years of experience on you. Damned respectable moralistic upbringing.

Oh I do have a kickass teacher next semester, he's totally awesome. I used to stop at Dunkin for an eggncheese before his class, and got him donuts. He repaid me with a B. it would have been a C because he told me I was a good writer but a good writer is one that doesn't get As. lol okay the donuts weren't a bribe, I just liked the guy, he was an excellent teacher. It actually started out as an apology, I hadn't paid attention in his last class and got scolded for it so I felt really bad and got him donuts in the next one and told him it wasn't a bribe but an apology. Yes, I am an ass. I felt bad Murtaza he was always nice to me and I didn't pay attention! Fine, I'm a nerd. It was a creative writing class, so not that nerdy!

Your blog is an alien! Buahahahaha!

Shumaila said...

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. GRAMMARIAN. UGH. HATE.

Now that i've got out all that hate, I can be nice and say you've actually made grammar out to be a nice place ^_^ and i'm sure it is. A lot of my friends went there, and they didn't come out corrupted or changed for the worst in any way that I can notice. Except for the snobbishness, and that's justified, I'm sure :P

and its nice to see you back! :)

TLW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just telling it like it is said...

OMG you must be mortified when you read my blogs...I do have an MBA and a BSN but I can't even think about spelling and grammar...good for you...and I hope I don't offend you with my pore habits

Caffeinated Bliss said...

Found a lot in your post, except humility. But, I won't say KGS didn't teach you that, and neither would I say they failed because some of their former students choose arrogance over it.

If you need to elevate yourself/put others down to feel pride in what you come from, then you didn't leave that place with the self esteem I'm certain they tried to instill in you.

You do a wonderful school a disservice with this post. Strive for better.

TLW said...

Would it be sanctimonious of me to say to Caffeinated Bliss that maybe Alpha Ze was just having fun? It's only a little satirical fun ;-)

Talha said...

They way you covered the story is very wonderful. I love your writing style

Mariam said...

I know its sounds irrelevant over here but I just came across your blogger profile. As your About Me page cannot be commented, so I thought of putting it here. I just laughed out aloud after reading the last line of this part.

// Some people feel the rain, others just get wet. As for me...either ways, I don't bother owning a rain coat. Live the life you love, love the life you live....and make sure you have money saved up for therapy just in case.


:D

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: Lums indeed, I hear the food in the surrounding areas is great.

We all take risks in our lives.

Your addiction is rather adorable. I recommend detox and rehab with lots of 'Barbie'. That'll sort you out.

Katrina is hot. Period.

ITS A LIE! Thats not the day you were born!

fine, buy him some hair dye and then trash him.

Ghausia has a Teacher crush!

My Blog is Super Alien! What up world?!!

Alpha Za said...

@ Shumaila: Aw, don't be a hater. I hear it gives you Ulcers and eventually you'll need a really good Doctor (probably a Grammarian) to cure you :P

Your friends are probably markedly more Awesome :) Be an appreciater, not a hater.

Its good to be back!

Alpha Za said...

@ Just telling it like it is: Nah, you are awesome. Period. Glad that word check is handy.

Alpha Za said...

@ Caffeinated Bliss: Yeah, I used to bunk the humility class, it seemed rather boring and unnecessary.

I think you might be taking this post rather too seriously.

Alpha Za said...

@ TLW: Sanctimonious indeed! be careful, she may start evaluating your levels of humility! :P

Alpha Za said...

@ Talha: Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

Alpha Za said...

@ Mariam R: No harm, no foul :) Glad you liked it. Check out the disclaimer, its also rather entertaining....and pertinent for a few of my readers :)

http://alphaza.blogspot.com/p/disclaimer.html

xehra said...

Zardari went to KGS too. Aww =P LOL! No sarcasm intended, just read this somewhere.

I don't envy you though, Cambridge and Inter board are poles apart. We had the best part of our region too :D Welcome back Alpha!

Mariam said...

Ohh..you missed zardari :P, i am sure you dint mention him deliberately...

Ghausia said...

I will break that Barbie, use her remains to make a chakram, and chop off your head with it. BUAHAHAHA. And yes, I am cute. Through a computer screen at least, real-life boys hate me and call me psycho. :(

Sometimes I forget how old I am, and how old I'm supposed to be. :D

I'm not going to buy the dude hair dye, that's offensive!

Giggle. Its not a crush shut uuuup he's married! I did...kinda...cyberstalk the dude after a class I took just to see what the big deal was about a semester before I had a course with him. Hey I told him okay! I said to him, I said, "Dude I have a huge case of heroworship with you man, I totally cyberstalked you cause I thought you wuz cool, why on earth would I snitch on you?! You should go on my blogs and see how I'm always telling people about the kickass teacher I had last semester then you'll see!" So no, not a crush, shut upppp!

A blog can't be an alien! Oh I saw a movie once about an alien that could morph into people by like swallowing them or something, and then he can't taste things except for paprika and then he has sex with this human girl that he falls in love with. Creepy huh?

Also, I am going to the Karachi Literature Festival cause I am geeky. I just got the schedule right now, I'm so sad, too many good sessions overlap. :( Buuuuuttt I get to get my books signed by the writers EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and I can finally corner Ali Sethi and say, "Dude. The gayness. Was that some kind of coming of age thing, or a projection of your own repressed desires to explore your homosexual side as a boy, if that is, you didn't do it already, in which case, it could be your way of admitting it?" because you know that ruined the whole book. I mean, schoolboys doing things. Diiirty. Anyway, EEEE I'm so excited! Mohsin Hamid! Sadia Shepard!Daniyal Muenuddin! Educated people! BOOKREADING PEOPLE! Eep eep EEEEEPPPP! Ahem. Sorry. I'm totally done now.frlz.

Alpha Za said...

@ Xehra: According to Wikipedia, you are infact correct, we'll take credit for any ability he has to read and write. Besides, if he's not an over achiever who is? :P

Cambridge and Inter....I always thought they were several stratospheres apart :P

Alpha Za said...

@ Mariam: I did, what sadness. Damn you ISI!

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: ...I can see why they call you psycho :P

Age is just a number, as simple as lying on your ID card :P

Its not so offensive to the peeps who have to look at him.

right, hero worship then with a gentle dose of 'groupie' fever :P

yeah, really creepy, someone needs to moderate your TV. I'm thinking PEMRA :)

Geeky/Nerdy yes, but still awesome!

Ghausia said...

Heeey I'm not psycho! BOOHOO! :(

lol yeah but the number has to be accurate, you know that better than me Mr. Fancy Numbers Job Person.

He's a nice guy, he's like really tiny, I'm just 5 ft and he's shorter than me, he speaks really fast, and constantly repeats himself. Oh the guy who was a fundie and who I did yell at, gave me a 16 in my midterms on purpose. Fucker. :(

lol okay fine I sound like a groupie sometimes. If you knew the guy you'd be a groupie too!

haha it was late at night when everyone was asleep and I was just so fascinated by what I was watching. I was like, 12 or 13 when I saw that man, and very very innocent. Well more innocent than 13 year olds today at least. Oh towards the end, they're hiding out in a motel room and they, omg I can't say it, I can't do that to you. Star Movies wasn't even censored in those days.

Yaaay I'm awesome! :D its really cool Murtaza, I'm totally excited, I mean, I'm treating this like a date, seriously, I'm getting stuff done, I'm getting a manicure, I'm picking out the right clothes, that's how excited I am! Mom said I should wear the white and turquoise I wore to the bhabi's the other day, or the peach I wore before that, I'm thinking the polka dots, its really cute but its an a-line shirt, the billowy kind like a frock, and those make me look pregnant. No really, they do. Mom tried to make me wear one of those to the engagement, I tried it on, and just stared at my sister and told her there were a lot of things I'd do to be controversial, but pregnant out of wedlock wasn't one of them. Ahem. I'm sorry. I'm just really excited Murtaza!

I have the craving for brownies. I'm gonna go beg mom to let me order some from The Cakery. :D

Also, I found the perfect pair of shoes today and they weren't in my size. I'm positively heartbroken. :(

Uzair said...

not all grammarians are all that. there are those who arent among the 'in crowd' of grammar bcos theyre not goodlooking or not that rich. these types always struggle to live up to the grammarian image. always seem to emphasize them being grammarian after they leave wherever they go.

Anonymous said...

Hey Murtaza, how many of the hot grammarian babes did you get?

Ghausia said...

@Anonymous He lost count after the first 100 hot chicas.

artkapakistan said...

Cynical little me is wondering how much KGS paid you to advertise for them :p

Anonymous said...

An economist isn't a banker. Don't give KGS a bad name with your ignorance, back office scum.

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: We'll test the theory of your psycho-dom at a later point in time.

haha, fancy numbers jobber person...I like it!

Fair point, for all I know, this man increases his groupie count by supplying heroin.

I think there should be a halal cable package, just for you.

I hope the festival met your high standards, and that you we're under dressed, sounds like quite the occasion!

Brownies are awesome, eat more of them to drown your sorrows away over the mis-sized shoes :)

Alpha Za said...

@ Uzair: Fair point, this satire piece aims to poke fun at the prevailing stereotypes; Grammarians come in all shapes, forms and sizes.

Alpha Za said...

@ Anon: I was taught bragging was a deplorable trait.

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: I can't count that high :P

Alpha Za said...

@ ArtkaPakistan: Dozens of paisas :P

Alpha Za said...

@ Anon: aww, I'd educate you over my job description and what exactly I do, but who cares what you think?

artkapakistan said...

Why do people post nasty comments anonymously? Cowardice, I tell you.

Alpha Za said...

@ Artkapakistan: Cowardice and an extreme lack of self-esteem.

artkapakistan said...

Besides, anonymity technically means "lacking marked individuality" - so it's like accepting you're hopelessly lame :D

Alpha Za said...

@ artkapakistan: haha, I never thought of it that way. But thanks for the info.

Roshni said...

-sigh- so so, so very, snobbish -cough-

TRAVELS WITH MY HAT said...

I wish only the best for Pakistan. And I further wish that Pakistanis would stop stealing my photos.

Christine Osborne

Author: An Insight and Guide to Pakistan.

christinebosborne.blogspot.com

Arun said...

As the wise Singaporean leader Lee Kuan Yew once remarked "it is difficult to convince a well fed man to become an extremist".

Who is John Galt?

anthonydavis said...

Since they have been running since the time of India’s independence, it has become a well established culture among them to excel in whatever assignment they are given

IB Residential School

Anonymous said...

This made me LOL so hard...its like all these grammarians live in bubble..i myself was a student there,a new G and all these snobby asses need to be pushed out in the real world cuz reality check...this is not america its pakistan!!!

Anonymous said...

And karachi feminist how typical of u,just like all those old Gs who think grammars Gods gift to us..well if u love it so much go suck on mujhi and mehboob!!!!

Anonymous said...

And karachi feminist how typical of u,just like all those old Gs who think grammars Gods gift to us..well if u love it so much go suck on mujhi and mehboob!!!!

Anonymous said...

How typical...lemme guess ur an old G and u think grammar's Gods gift to us..well ive been in grammar and then left at A levels and trust me other schools are way better..they dont try so hard to be american high schools..for Gods sake this is pakistan not friggin 90210 and u old Gs like to live in a bubble...well then go hug mujhi and mehboob if u like it so much