Sunday, January 31, 2010

Going Green My Way!


There is something about a camp fire in the middle of the woods that is extremely comforting. Particularly if you're there with friends, music a bag of marshmallows, drink and a handy dandy Shisha. Its a pity that you have to go so far out of the city to get that experience. 

A night out in the woods is the perfect remedy to disconnect from urbanization. One of the great things a trip out in the woods is that when you look up, you see hundreds of stars, but if you are in the city (and if you really squint), you can maybe see 4. I think as a society, we should look into being more green (like I do, all of my currency is green). 

So here is my suggestion, put a Forrest like area in the smack down centre of the downtown area of every major metropolitan city. Ok, I understand how this sounds silly, but trust me, there is lots of utility. 

Plant/place huge fully grown trees where the traffic lights are supposed to be, rig the power to some handy solar panels and a battery rigged for the night (in Seattle this wouldn't work as they don't know what the sun looks like). All in all, this would reduce electricity consumption by 12%.....don't ask me how.....my local cleric told me (he seems like a trustworthy fellow for someone who can't read). 

The rooftops can rid themselves of those polluting chopper pads and instead can invest in a nice zen garden. screw the damn cement foot paths, lets get natural with some green top lawn, preferably the putting green kind so the CEO's can practice their strokes on their way to rob their customers. 

Also nature tends to chill people out, and the advent of working yourself to insanity combined with the stressed out hell that is modern living, one could use a bit of nature in their day. Right now, the only bit of nature you get is the clouds of smoke threatening to toss acid rain down our throats. All of these greenery will soothe the masses into a lull of peaceful endeavour. Basically, people will be that much nicer to other people and how great is that? In order one wants to maximize this effect, I'd allot a section to the Rastafarian's and encourage the growth of poppy plants.   

The shade from these massive tree's will provide relief to all of the evil commuters, tourists and homeless people, besides, if they happen to be fruit tree's no one goes hungry. Incidentally my proposal also contains provisions for taming wild dangerous animals to roam these areas and kill off anyone that evolution might have missed (lets stop wasting resources). C'mon, room and board costs for these animals would be non-existent.....and the animals could find a place to bunk down too. The city zoo would also also have fewer budgetary pressures, in fact they could be shut down. 

All of these trees will get rid of all the green house gasses....we hope. If not, they'll be handy for hanging laundry off of, hence reducing the need for consuming electricity in Dryers. 

Elephant rides would also be completely baller and would reduce our carbon foot print. NGO's can roam around picking up the poop and making natural fertilizer distributing it under the brand name of 'Urban Shit'. Its a multi-billion dollar industry in the making. 

In NYC there have always been rumours of gators in the sewers (they looked into it, its a myth). I propose that the government actually does put wild dangerous snakes, gators and tigers in the sewers, cover the tops with unbreakable bullet proof glass and have a really cool side show of animals fighting for their lives on main street (well, technically, underneath). 

Media organizations will find this concept wild(ly entertaining) and will voluntarily start purifying the sewage (saving the city a few bucks) so as to have clear visuals over the running battles, the show can be called 'Wild Times at Times Square'. 

Prisoners can likewise be executed by being released into these special sewers and having to fight their way out (there is no way out, but they will be partially misled.... those villainous scum!). National Geographic will become the coolest channel on the planet (even though I think Alien will love it too!). 

Greenery is fucking gorgeous. Screw all of this grey concrete jungle BS, lets get some natural god given Green laced with colors, and if you don't like that you must be communist swine hell bent on killing cute little babies! 

PS: if this doesn't work we can cut the trees down and have an awesome bonfire. Kill the animals and have a huge feast. 

3 comments:

Amna K said...

The government puts wild dangerous snakes, gators and tigers in the sewers, covers the tops with unbreakable bullet proof glass and has a cool slide show of animals fighting for their lives. What a proposition!!! ahahahha!!

You're one HILARIOUS Green-Goer!

:-D

Alpha Za said...

@ Amna: Thanks for the comment. I think that it'd actually work...like really well!

It would be extremely environmentally friendly....not to mention entertaining.

Environmental Entertainment!

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