Friday, November 26, 2010

Shopping: One Woman's Pleasure Is Another Man's Hell

SHOP PHOBIA: All Men Have It!

I hate shopping. I hate the process. Electronics are cool, but when it comes to clothes and boring appliances, men and women have very different ideologies. The truth is that Men and women shop in very different manners. For starters women actually enjoy shopping, men on the other hand, find shopping to be enjoyable as a chain saw swinging dentist appointment...with the dentist in question being blind; Simply put, men will keep rescheduling for as long as feasibly possible.

For The Gals who Rather not go through Child Birth
Men require an iron clad reason to shop, usually when their female loved ones reallocate their wardrobe to the trash bin. Women shop on an impulse, albeit of the planned 'lets spend all day at the local stores just looking around' variety or the, I need new clothes because everyone has seen my wardrobe disorder, coupled with an infection of month old, twice worn clothes. Whenever possible, men are perfectly happy to let their female loved ones shop for them.We know you enjoy it, and you know we hate it.

Dunno what it is, but whats the harm in buying it? My Wallet Feels Heavy
Men, whose mothers and wives shy away from shopping for them, are drawn to one stop shopping solutions, if there was a mythical store where they could acquire a DVD player, Bare essential Clothes and a Bun Kebab, that would culminate in the perfect shopping experience. A Lassi would be nice too. Women have the tendency to work rather differently, preferring to visit as much shops as possible to evaluate the ware almost as if they fear the shops might suddenly close down.
Oh, yes, we love carrying your bags for you.
If a man skips a store on his shopping spree, he doesn't really care. On the other hand, a woman is devastated due to the minute possibility that the store may have re-stocked some new happening wardrobe since the last time she was in the store (in all likelihood the day before).

$$$
For women, shopping is an Olympic sport that combines finesse, debating, charm and the proverbial threat....to leave the store without buying anything. Men consider shopping a sport as well, however it's more akin to the 100 yard dash. The faster you get to the finishing line the better.

The Kind of Shopping Men are Happy to do with Women
Men will do all that is possible to prolong the use of their clothes to prevent future shopping. Whether it's keeping their clothes well, or simply being ambivalent to the presence of mildew and a healthy dose of patches (we were really excited when tatty clothing was 'in'). Women on the other hand, feel the necessity to discard their clothing with regularity. No self-respecting, straight man feels the urge to replenish his wardrobe on a seasonal basis. 

The Heavier the Bag the Tighter the Noose
When men are forced to shop, they tend to select items that will match their current wardrobe, women have the proclivity to buy items that require a whole new array of other items....the cycle is endless. Much to the joy of the consumer industry.


Haggling; Despite putting together complex mergers and acquisitions deals and negotiating multi-year contracts, very few men know how to haggle properly, one can attribute this to their general lack of experience and the general comatose state of mind Men are in while being dragged from store to store by their significant others. Men will very simple look at the price quoted, if it's considered fair they'll pay it.

An approximation of what a woman looks like when you deny her shopping rights
Across generations and hordes of crying shopkeepers lying in their wake, women have developed haggling into an art form worthy of Sadequain; Mind Boggling. Any layman lucky enough to properly observe a woman indulging in her dark art, the words 'Hostage Negotiator' come to mind.

Kim Kardashian Secretly Buying a Sweater for Gorilla Bananas
In addition women are hardly strangers to manipulation, my own little sister, in her early shopping days, once swooned when a jeweler quoted her a price for an item, proclaiming her poverty, once the gentle shop keeper pointed out that the substantial wad of rupees sticking out from her purse.

What do you $%&$ Mean Credit Limit!
She immediately switched tactics and questioned the man's honor for charging so much from a such a young girl. At which point, the jeweler realized that there was no winning the argument. He reluctantly brought the price down to more acceptable levels.....My sister was 9 years old at the time.

Haha, I'm pretty enough to make you go broke
A guy is far more likely to buy the cheapest possible clothing substitute and brag to his friends how little he paid for it (After adding a 20% discount on what he actually paid). A woman on the other hand, tends to shy away from such indecency but will, to her friends and husband aka financier, typically add 20% to her buying price, not to mention add a brand label.

The Good Kind of Shopping
Making Clothes: Men don't make clothes; they tend to have an affection with all things ready made. You give a man a chunk of cloth and he'll wonder if the shop keeper mistakenly thought that his customer either asked for new sheets or was preparing to go to hajj. Women on the other hand, like nothing better to get their hands on some kapra (cloth) and go to work on it; apparently 'fashion designer' is embedded in their genetic makeup.


Women, wherever possible will shop in packs, whenever a hostile negotiation over the price of tooth picks is ongoing, their team will either participate or look judgmentally at the said shopkeeper. It's a team effort. It's also a social factor and a way for womenfolk to bond. Men, shop alone, it's not an outing, it's a solo drive-by laden with as few receipts as humanly possible.

Getting Married for the Gifts
Shopping is a part of all of our lives, but for those who shop; Proceed with caution. Women Don't Mess Around....

A Typical Woman's Christmas List

A Version of this article appeared in the Printed Edition of the Dawn

53 comments:

Kittycat said...

I never make my sportsman shop with me.
Except fir black Friday. And only if we are shopping for electronics. Any other shopping with a man is just plain cruel.

Just sayin

Asha said...

Shopping is never on the agenda when it comes to spending time with my husband. He'll drive me nuts. I rather leave him at home...with the the children...and go solo.
http://www.ashafullife.blogspot.com

secret.whispers said...

are you kidding? i hate shoppping. with a passion. i'd much rather prefer having a personal shopper. unless it's for books. then i'm all over it.
and i absolutely despise kapra shopping. i leave that up to the other females in my family..

Alpha Za said...

@ Kittcat: You are indeed a wise woman.

@ Asha: Well, thats definitely a fair exchange.Bravo!

@ secret.whispers: God bless you, and may the Islamic Republic of Pakistan clone more of you.

I do like the idea of professional personal shoppers.

Your family's females must be so grateful to you for all the joy you provide them.

Riot Kitty said...

I'm with you. I don't like shopping at all. I don't go unless I have a specific task to accomplish, and even then, I try to do it online.

The Adorkable Ditz said...

I normally hate shopping. It's so hard to find stuff that I like and I can wear that isn't a bazillion dollars. I am cheap. I hate spending money if I don't need to. Over the years my mom has spent lots of money to make the wardrobe that I have now. Some items of clothing I've had since I was 12. I only discard items if I never wear them, they don't fit anymore, or they are worn to the point of looking ratty. I don't want to look like a homeless person.

http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

Ghausia said...

This is keeping me from studying you know and I have two consecutive midterms tomorrow.

I like shopping but I suck at haggling. That's what mommy's there for! (I get too shy to haggle damnit!)

I loooove shopping. Its so much fun, there are so many pretty things and so many different types and so many shoes and tops and pants and cloth and colours and shiny and pretty and sparkly and happy! Pata hai Tiara has the prettiest and softest shoes and just for 450 too! I use them for uni and they wear out really quickly so then I just get another pair cause they're so cheap!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Men shop when they need something, and women shop as a sport, leisure activity, way of life, and all kinds of other dumb things that shouldn't factor into the event of buying crap. We just see it differently.

I have to go shopping tomorrow, but it's with my nephews, so I don't mind.

Fun post!

Ria said...

Thats why i prefer shopping alone...at least no one will eat my head for over spending! :P

Christopher said...

I just found out you can shop online without leaving home. They just bring the stuff right to your house. This will save me much misery during Christmas.

Thinking said...

hmm...I don't like shopping too...yes yes...I know...my blunt comment will give you goose bump as I belong to the class (women) you think is obssesd with shopping...

But...I always find it hard to achieve...and always try to avoid it as long as I may...

hmm...nice post...

Alpha Za said...

@ Riot Kitty: Thanks for the comment, I'm beginning to think the Blogosphere has a propensity for online shoppers.

@ The Adorable Ditz: I applaud your strategy. It's brilliant. Personally, I only shop on Sale and if I really need stuff.

@ Ghausia: Aw, thanks for taking the time to comment, good luck with you mid-terms, I'm sure you'll do great.

Wait for a few years, you'll haggle just like your Mum!

450 rupee shoes are fine, but do all women need several dozen of them at a time? :P

@ Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: Thanks for taking the time to comment, Glad you enjoyed the post.

Pity people don't just shop for things that they need. Not what they might need.

Shopping with kids can be fun, but thats probably more so out of love than anything. Have fun with your nephews!

@ Ria: Haha, very true. men don't like seeing their spouse's clothing price tags. it's bad for the heart.

@ Christopher: Excellent point, but in Pakistan atleast, online shopping really hasn't taken off.

@ Thinking: You astound me. Bravo!

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery....hence why most women don't admit that perpetual shopping isn't a problem :)

Glad you enjoyed the post.

*Dulce* said...

getting married for gifts! now that's a neat idea i didn't think of!

Alpha Za said...

@ Dulce: What can I say, we have an innovative culture.

Ghausia said...

Does ditching the last five marks question because you have to go to the bathroom constitute as going great? :(

Oh dude I so can't haggle, I just count on the guy being nice and dropping a few rupees off on his own, like taking 900 instead of 920 and the like. That happens very little. :D

Duh, because they're all so pretty and we can't choose! Oh you know what, my mom has to go shopping in the evening to get shoes for my brother's engagement, and I'm tagging along. I'll probably wrangle a pair of gladiators out of papa, and new shoes for the engagement maybe, because I've worn both pairs of my fancy shoes to the bhabi's and they've admired my shoes too so I can't wear old shoes to my only big brother's mangni!

Yes, I am a horrible, horrible person. wtfever dude, SHOES! :D

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: It depends, you got the remaining 95 % correct, right?

With time comes that great haggle power.....just you wait!

Yeah, I hear some variation of that conundrum alot. Still seems mildly insane to me, but it is what it is.

haha, more like horrible person 'in training' :/

Smokey_Cat said...

Sir,

Although I like your blog I shall seriously have to DISAGREE with you here!. You cannot really generalize like this!

I happen to know a really nice, (and totally straight) guy who just LOVES to shop, not only for himself, but occasionally accompanies his sisters and mom to the stores as well to help pick out clothes for THEM.

I was rather surprised when he told me this, and then once he offered to take me shopping along with him as well, and it was actually quite nice, he is a real patient shopper when it comes to giving advice or bargaining for things and such.I was really quite impressed.

But I guess exceptions are everywhere... I know a few girls who simply HATE to shop! Imagine!

:)

secret.whispers said...

they're not actually. they hate me for it. but tough nuggets for them. they also can't let me leave the country without new clothes..
rock and a hard place..:D

Ghausia said...

Well yeah, but it only gets me a measly 18-something out of 25. And its a total marks scoring subject too, I was really hoping to up my GPA this semester, 3.3 is nothing impressive after all. :(

I disagree I'm too shy to haggle. :D

Well, would you still say that if I told you that every time I buy a pair of shoes, I find an older pair to give away, even if I could still wear them for a few more months? Ditto for clothes as well, if there's no space in my closet, that means there's space in the closets of my maids and so I give as many clothes to them as I can. Besides, I changed my mind, I'll wear the Vincci heels, they're really pretty. :D SHOES!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Though I do occasionally feel inclined to buy cute sweaters for Gorilla Bananas, I hold back. I'm on the men's team with this one.
xoRobyn

Alpha Za said...

@ Smokey Cat: Haha, there are exceptions to every rule.

Alpha Za said...

@ Secret Whispers: haha, they secretly love it. Trust me. Just get them to admit it by whispering it in their years how you may start shopping for yourself!

Rock and a Hard Place indeed. They do realize that other countries have new clothes too right?

Alpha Za said...

@ Ghausia: Fret not, you'll be fine. It's not a life or death sort of dilemma.

haha, I would refrain from commenting.

Alpha Za said...

@ RawknRobyn: Thank you for your support. Gorilla Bananas would be delighted.

The Reason You Come said...

Haha, I remember my first shopping experience with my fiancé. He accompanied me to a Niké store so I could buy some running shoes. I ended up taking more than an hour looking for the perfect shoes, the perfect pair of shorts to go with them, and of course, the perfect sporty top to go with the shorts. After 30 minutes, he was already in a sour mood and told me he had expected it to take about 5 minutes, 10 minutes tops. I was like "Are you effing kidding me? 5 minutes?!" Man, I've been known to take an entire day trying to decide what to buy! Well, an hour later that day, I had sneakers but still couldn't make up my mind about shorts and a top. I decided to have mercy on him and told him I'd go back alone, so he wouldn't have to wait anymore. But needless to say, he learned a very valuable lesson that day! ;)

Zabrinah said...

Hehe. This post sure made me laugh. Very true. I never try to take guys shopping---heck, I don't take women either, because I'd prefer to shop alone. I don't want anyone to suffer through the experience because of me!

:)

Best wishes,

~Zabrinah

Nas said...

Nice post!
But I want to tell you a secret. I enjoy shopping, just not with a person of the female variety 8-).

I know quite a few girls who DETEST the whole shopping process you mentioned ^.

:)

Just telling it like it is said...

Okay I have to tell you that I hate shopping and I have been asked when my balls are going to drop but I have proof I am a women just look at my stretchmarks on my stomach from my son...battle wounds that I gladly display

obssesor said...

Shopping and Women! two enigmas!

pistaye said...

Erm, I am a girl but I hate shopping too :/

Spiky Zora Jones said...

er...um...I love shopping, I can't help it. I think it's all in my jeans ($150-300)...get it...jeans (genes) Oy!

I love to buy shoes...heels to be specific. They just sit there and see how great they make my legs look and yes, I will probably pay for it when I get older...wearing heels will do that to a women eventually. But right now...Hello, gotta have those shoes. woo!

And I love a good bargain as muxh as anyone...I don't like to haggle price. If it's doesn't have a tag...I ask and if it's outragious over priceed...screw it. I don't deal with people that change prices at a moments notice or lie to me. that alone tells me he or she is not honest. And I don't do business with dishonest shop keepers.

great and funny post...I likey. :)

later sweetie. xxx

Alpha Za said...

@ The Reason you Come: Women do tend to buy outfits as opposed to singular pieces. Men have it lucky in that way. We just buy stuff that goes with the crap we already own.

Atleast now he's forewarned in case you need to get anything apparel related.

Alpha Za said...

@ Zabrinah: Shopping alone certainly makes sense, particularly when it's a process, greater freedom and all that.

Glad you enjoyed the post!

Alpha Za said...

@ Nas: Thanks, glad you enjoyed the post. Man Pack shopping....sounds totally bromantic.

The number of girls I know who detest shopping seems to grow per comment!

Alpha Za said...

@ Just telling it like it is: I'll take you word for it. No proof necessary.

PS: You.are.awesome!

Alpha Za said...

@ Obsessor: Couldn't agree with you more!

Alpha Za said...

@ Pistaye: hmm, maybe female bloggers don't like shopping. There seems to be a trend developing.

Alpha Za said...

@ Spiky Zora Jones: Haha, in your jeans/genes indeed.

Shouldn't there be a limit to the number of shoes a lady ought to own? I mean, some of the closets I've seen are ridiculous.

haha, I do somewhat the same thing. Haggling isn't a skill I've quite mastered as yet.

Glad you liked the post :)

Closed eyes... said...

HAHA. Hilarious. It reminded me of so many people I know. :p

PS:- Your blog is popular among my friends. :)

Bodaciousboomer said...

Kiddo you have met the exception to the rule with myself and my dear husband. He loves to shop, lives to shop. I'd rather get a root canal. Interesting. I love this posting though. It's a hoot. Good job.

artkapakistan said...

I don't think I particularly love shopping unless I'm on drugs or really depressed - and then I actually look around and "impulse buy" something I actually needed but forgot or missed before in the rush to just get stuff (like cigarettes) and get out of (usually stuffy) shops. And you know what, I just CANNOT understand this weird shoe fixation (almost a fetish) that women talk about with such pride. It's mildly disturbing and mostly annoying. And heels are just stupid because they make me feel unbalanced and unnatural. Maybe I'm not "normal" but I only have stuff I actually use all the time and I like it all because - well, why get something you don't really use or like anyway? And nobody can possibly like everything, can they? Maybe I'm just in a rotten mood. Working all day and dealing with women gushing about shoes and clothes can really piss me off.

Alpha Za said...

@ Closed Eyes: Haha, thanks! glad you enjoyed the post. I strive to amuse.

Please let your friends know that I'm utterly flattered :-)

Alpha Za said...

@ Bodaciousboomer: Thanks, glad you enjoyed the post. Exception to the rule indeed, almost feels like up is down, down is up.

I'd prefer root canal too as long as they'd knock me out with copious amounts of drugs.

Alpha Za said...

@ Artkapakistan: I totally sympathize. E-Hug.

The mystery continues.

secret.whispers said...

new clothes = desi clothes.
although why i would need desi clothes anywhere besides Pakistan is wayyy beyond me.
but whatever. I get new clothes which make me feel pretty. so they can just do their magiccc

Rashi said...

A gud point made !

Alpha Za said...

@ Secret Whispers: Hey, you could totally be starting a new fashion trend by wearing Pakistani clothes to football games....color coded prints of your fav local team.

If they make you happy, then let it be so.

Alpha Za said...

@ Rashi: Thanks!

Roshni said...

serious question. who buys your underwears? o-0

Alpha Za said...

@ Roshni: Scarlet Johansson, Megan Fox and Rhona Mitra all take turns.

They really are the luckiest girls in the world.

Mariam said...

Though not a shopholic myself, but after witnessing few closely, I agree with you here.

Alpha Za said...

@ Mariam: When a girl says she's not a shopoholic, I tend to find that they still shop alot more than guys. I guess its all relative. thanks for the comment.

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