Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A 6th Graders Bucket List

Kid's say the funniest things they are implicitly creative and utterly honest; I am still convinced that I'm a kid in an adults body.

One of my friend's from school is a teacher in an urban crap shoot in hell chances of succeeding public school. 

As part of an assignment, he asked his 6th graders what they're hopes and dreams were aka, what do they want to accomplish in life. Some how, it became more like a bucket list. 

Note: these are actual goals as provided from actual 6th grade American students. The only things he altered are spelling and grammar...Obviously, they were given (a lot of ) license to dream. 

The Bucket List:

Punch a stranger in the face and say "You know what you did..." (Well, we are all guilty of something or the other)

Demolish a building with bombs. (Future Arsonist, imminently to be put on an FBI watch list)

Lose some weight. (I felt guilty when I read this one, screw you Paris 'Anorexic is Awesome' Hilton)

Jump off of a giraffe. (Probably more of an accomplishment to stay on a giraffe)

Tomato fight in Italy. (Apparently this is ensures quality tomato sauce)

Dress like Pac-Man and then go into the arcade and play nothing but Pac-Man. When I run out of quarters I will just chase people around the arcade. (Totally amazing)

Play soccer with the Queen of England. (I bet she has a mean right boot)

Wear a Real Madrid soccer uniform with my last name on it, go to Madrid, Spain and sneak into the stadium like I'm one of the soccer players. Then when I'm on the field I want to start a brawl. (It would certainly make the game more entertaining)

Be on a sinking ship. (They obviously watched Titanic once in class)

Go to a fancy restaurant in my underwear. (Alan from Hangover anybody?)

Destroy Pluto. (Why not, it's not a planet and we have plenty of nukes)

Hit people for no reason all day. (Criminal minded much?)

Go to Antarctica, hit a penguin. (Are there still penguins in Antarctica?...wtf happened to Global Warming?)

Crash an adult's party. (A solid dream to aspire to)

T.P. a house. (Toilet Papering a house is where student do exactly that all over the house)

Throw rocks at policemen and run. (Aw, these kids would feel right at home in the Gaza strip). 

Burn down the Amazon Rain Forest. (Yep, more room for poppy fields)

Run into a tornado. (Wtf)

Fight a bear and win. (Me too!)

Play soccer with zebras. (Would the Zebra win because they have 4 feet?)

Ride a shark. (Awesome idea, I always wanted Jaws as a pet)

Be in the UFC. (Ultimate Fighting Championship....real man wrestling). 

Fight Jackie Chan. He's so fake. (Not to mention as old as Fuck)

Meet Vin Diesel. (Of all the people in all the world...)

Fall off of a rollercoaster. (Obviously this kid believes he can fly)

Ride a shark. (This one apparently came up a lot)

Find buried treasure. (Who doesn't?)

Fight a gorilla (Another popular one...wonder if he thinks he can win?)

Running of the Bulls and then eating the bull later. (I out ran you, and now I'm going to eat you!)

Make a grown man cry. (Just wait till his sports team loses and you'll see it)

Become bait for a tiger. (???)

Climb an electrical pole during a storm. (Low life expectancy?)

Catch my hair on fire so it looks like Michael Jackson's. (Someone ought to tell the kid that he's dead)

Buy a shiny cane. (wtf??)

Sky Dive from 8,000,000 feet above ground. (....why 8 million feet?)

Go to a concert and jump off stage. (good one)

Talk to a parakeet for the first time. (And say what?)

Observe a girlfight. (One of life's true pleasures)

Build a mansion on the moon. (To live in, not be an architectural Genius)

Repent so I can go to heaven...after I beat my big brother up. (Hajj anyone?)

Beat up a snake. (Go Tarzan!)

Fly a plane, jump out of it, and hit a red target X. (Awesome, but potentially so suicidal)

Destory an abandoned building with C4. (who wouldn't want to do this)

Blow up a car with sticks. (...not dynamite sticks, but actual sticks...of wood...)

Eat fish in front of a bear and see if he attacks me. (I sure hope you know how to play dead)

Kids are great, but their imagination and propensity for creative wants astounds me every day, I hope all of these kids live out their bucket list, and I sure hope I get to join in as well.

Does beg the question...What is on your bucket list?

Special Thanks To Nick Jones, who is devoting his life to teaching the next generation how to properly fart, spell, play basket ball and hit on the opposite sex. 


Anonymous said...

Rub David Beckham with abrasive to see if I can clean him up a bit.

Strap explosives to myself and see if I can become big buddies with Justin Bieber.

Scrawl graffiti on the Pope.

Make love to Murtaza.

Ooooh, lots more.

Unknown said...

In 6th grade, I would have said something boring like become NBA basketball player.

Now? Punch the Pope in the face and say "You know what you did..."

Jason Shaw said...

Pour sugar in my teachers gas tank.

Pour bleech in my fathers gin bottle.

Stick my brothers record collection in the oven for 6 hours.

Rub my arse with a cheese grater

(Oh no, that last one is what I do now on a Tuesday night at 7.15 to 7.45.

Bano. said...

Hilarious post....but thoughtful as well.

90% of the wishes are destructive and terrorizing in nature,sadly.

Yo Mista! said...

Wow, these are hilarious, yet simultaneously scary.

I feel like observing a girl fight can never get old (be it in grade school or Real Housewives of New Jersey) and thus, deserves to be on that list more than once.

Alpha Za said...

@ Alec: Hilarious, particularly the explosives one.

@ Melon: Why does everyone hate the pope? Everyone seemed to like John Paul.

@ Jason: very creative, though I imagine you might severely diminish the capacity of your father to live after he drinks that bleach. Why would anyone want to rub their ass with a cheese grater?

@ Kulsoon: Thank you for the comment, kids will be kids.

@ Yo Mista: Observing girl fights is awesome. They should make a reality show about it.

Anonymous said...

The Pope's an easy one, babe. Rarely has hypocrisy and criminality been flaunted so openly. It seems as tho' nothing can be done to bring him to account. I was hoping the Dawkins idea of getting an arrest warrant issued for him might make some progress but I'm not holding my breath. I did love this post. xx

Alpha Za said...

Good ol' Dawkins, quite a rock star he is.

With regards to the hypocrisy, criminality and the flaunting, holding the Pope accountable for what his minions do is like trying to send the American President to Jail if his federal marshal murdered someone.

Glad you like the posted Alec.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't mean it's not desirable and shouldn't be tried!

Alpha Za said...

True, they should keep doing it till they find a pope that everyone likes....maybe turn John Paul into a cool, understanding Zombie.

Anne Greenawalt said...

haha! i am both entertained and disturbed.

Alpha Za said...

@ Anne: YOU are both Entertained and Disturbed....I pronounce this blog a raging success ;)