Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Time Machine...Who Would You Meet?

How unbelievable awesome would it be if you could go back in time and meet folks, knowing what you do now. Minus the stock market gain that you would make, I think it was freaking amazing thing to do. So I compiled a list of people who I'd like to meet and why. 

People I'd like to go back in time and meet: 

1. In Pakistan, in some rural areas, people/super committed adrenaline drug addicts catch poisonous snakes/scorpions, and literally smoke the poison (usually out of a bong). So I want to go back in time and meet the innovator who thought it was a good idea to catch and then smoke a poisonous scorpion. Mad Respekt. Talk about commitment to getting high. 'I'm going to Kill you, and then I'm going to smoke you!" true visionary. 

2. Black mailing is not a new thing, as it actually quite a terrible things to do. But I'd still like to meet Tiger Woods, right after he got married so I could start black mailing him for tonnes of hush money, but I'd be nice, I'd even let him beat me at our weekly golf games/cash exchanges

3. Everyone like to complain about the huge deficits run under the Republican Presidency.So I'd like to be a good Samaritan and go back in time to meet George (Dubya) Bush, back when he was taking finance courses so I can explain to him in great detail what a balanced budget means (I totally understand, my 17 year old little sister still have problems balancing her balance sheet in accounts.....not to mention her budget). 

4. I understand how its a global consumer based economy we live in and how it gets really expensive and that everyone gets in debt. So I'd like to meet the man who came up with the bright idea for huge malls so women can shop all day and blow their (and their husband/boy friends) entire months salary in a single I can kick him in the balls (bro code demands it). 

5. I grew up with everyone telling me how Oprah is a role model, a genius at helping people lose weight, solve their marital problems (basically perfect St. Oprah if you will), so I was forced to watch her shows from time to time (not when any 9 year old wants to watch when cartoons are on), so I'd like a little revenge. Go back in time to meet Oprah; Back when she was still skinny (so pretty far back), so I can tell her that she is going to really get as fat as a sumo wrestler, so she can just chill and have a Twinkie and let little Murtaza (who was extremely awesome kid) watch his cartoons. 

6. Agnes Bojaxhiu, for no other reason because she is one of those super charitable, generous people of our age. It's always good to meet really sweet hearted people and she fits the bill. Some would even say, that she has the heart of a Saint. You may know her as Mother Theresa.

7. Mick Jagger: If the man can rock concerts now, can you imagine how incredible he must have been 20-30 years ago. Word. 

8. John Lennon: Knock him out with a base ball bat about ten minutes before he heads out to get shot. Man could make some seriously sweet music. Beatles would totally make a come back. 

9. Head back to the 1400's Isabella of Spain's Royal court while Christopher Columbus is asking for seed money and tell her not to do it, saying "Your Highness, do you wish to be the laughing stock of the flat world?"....It will be Legen-wait for it-Dary. American Indians will worship me as being Chief Brown Skin of Masala Masala......if only they knew. 

10. Guy who invented chocolate. You are a beautiful man, and you must be full of wisdom about women. I promise to bring you some Weed, a bottle of Tequila, an XBox and a crate of Mars Bar....but you deserve so much more.  

11. Back in the time of Moses, explain to him how he rocks and everything, but that his compass is broken, but that I'll be more than happy to give him mine (I'm charitable like that); finally that he's going the wrong direction and I'll kindly point him the way to Eastern Europe. 

12. Meet the guys who built Stonehenge....what the hell were you dudes upto?

13. Myself, any time in the past will do. Talk about hanging out with a true legend. Hell, I even went back in time. 

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