Saturday, March 13, 2010

Love of the Game: Going Pro or Retiring

I'm always curious when I find guys that are ready to give up the single life for a life of monogamy. I mean, you are bound to be disappointed in some way, their isn't any 'they lived happily ever after', there is however, they mostly lived happily every after until they divorced....or forgot to; the benefits of old age if you will.

Majority of guys retire from the 'game', and with the passage of time some even mount comebacks either during their unions or once divorces papers are finalized.. The brave remaining, the Players who (perhaps) fortuitously decided that they were meant to go Pro, to be life long bachelors and womanizers of the highest degree. I applaud them for their bravery, after all, society looks down on those poor guys for not settling down and managing offspring.

I wonder why some would choose this path less traveled and the truth is that it has nothing to do with finding love. They've realized that for them, the concept of love and the subsequent relationship that goes with it, is the greatest game of all time; It is their purpose in lives to be the Tiger Woods of the Love Game. They want to maximize the good times of a relationship without having to endure the domestic pain that the institution of marriage brings about. This deserves a high five, not an admonishment.

They have enough belief in themselves and enjoy their own company enough that they are willing to take a life long gamble to pursue a hedonistic lifestyle. If that's what fulfills them, then power to them.

The whole man woman game is the greatest natural reality show in existence, there is always drama, excessively supplied by women, though brief men cameo's do make some contribution. Fights emanate from the ridiculous to the sublime.

Small things such as a guy not noticing his girlfriend's new hair cut (Advice: If you really wanted him to to notice something and be happy about it, get a boob job), and perhaps spending too much visual time on his girlfriends attractive friends. It is fraught with complications, but it's a different game in itself. From the beginning of a guys marriage right to the end, his biggest fear is the potential for divorce and the subsequent social fall out. And to be fair, he can hardly be blamed, so he makes it work. Couples endure each other for decades and take out their frustration on newer couples and hence the cycle continues.

The true passion that 'Players' feel for the game isn't the relationship itself, but the pursuit, the hunt. It is great, it is tenuous and it is everything to them. Maybe there lives are actually shallow and full of nothing but meaningless one night stands a sack full of stories, but if Life it's a compilation of your experiences, what is it? And who is to say that there isn't just as much meaning and satisfaction in 'going pro', as there is in settling down.

Who the hell are we to judge, we also want each other to be happy, right? Or would we rather everyone being equitably miserable? Either way, we enjoy discussing other peoples choices, for no other reason than to avoid a hard seething glance at the mirror.

For those couples that are shaking their heads, telling themselves how much they love each other and naively calling me a Jack Ass. C'mon seriously, you'll never maintain that same level of passion. It'll eventually be a disappointment (statistically), Love grows but passion fade and men tend to confuse love with sex. The less sex men get, the more they feel inclined to get it elsewhere.

Some guys feel like it's their right to cheat (men are also genetically programmed to procreate and spread their seed). After all, as far as they are concerned they are doing their best to make their partners happy (yes living in LALA land), but their former amorous parters no longer reciprocate they're sexual advances, so they justify cheating.

Which is probably why 'love' marriages tend to have a hire divorce rate than 'arranged' marriages. Arranged marriages aren't burdened by expectations...of any passionate sort. Marriage is a duty and a burden to be silently (or not so silently) borne..

We all see unhappy marriages and relationships, and laugh them off, discounting any possibility that it could one day be ourselves (we are smarter than they...which is exactly the same thing they thought). We fail to recognize and learn from the short comings people experience in relationships, even our own. But what I've always noticed, that it's the Players who keep their emotional attachments in check are the ones have the most baller times. They the Players, I applaud you for your zest for life and commitment to love of the game. Nike ought to make you guys some custom made shoes and a wrist band.

I recall some friends of mine, a couple, who would argue from time to time, without fail the only way any argument would be resolved is if one went on a tangent of how cute or adorable the other looked. After catching my breath from the subsequent puking, I realize that no matter if they stay together for ten or twenty years, theies was not a feasible relationship (incidentally the love birds lasted only another 3 weeks). There are some problems you can't just 'lovey dovey' BS away.

You have to stand up to your partner, resolve them and prepare to take any negative consequences as they come. Be a man, and take the pain knowing that a women can cause a man more pain in a five minute rant, than he could ever accomplish in a lifetime. So, I'm hard pressed to wonder why I sane man would sign up for that, rather than the freedom and privileges the single Pro life has to offer?

The answer is simple; Men are not logical in matters of love. When girls look at a guy, all they really see or measure are his financial prospects, not if he is likely to love them. It's a logical compatibility issue as far as they are concerned, even though their expectations of 'what they are worth', will vary as they get older and well...essentially less attractive (there..I said it).

Girl's most appreciable currency is their looks, which makes the game that much more intriguing. Women are aware of 'The Game', this dance we play with each other like some Cultist pairing ritual. The older they get, the more conniving, after all, whilst older guys may marry younger women, young guys don't marry older women. If they do, they are considering Saints....or Prophets for that matter

Note: Prophet Muhammad's (Peace Be Upon Him) first wife Bibi Khadija was 15 years older than him, but she was exceptionally awesome (Duh, she Married the PROPHET).

Guys on the other hand lose or redefine the essence of themselves when confronted with a particularly fantastic girl (as per their expectations). Men don't really care about the girls family, all what they really cares about is how she looks (shallow I admit) and if they can get along (Thumbs Up for Compatibility Check). The guy's family takes care of rest of the details.

Men are fools in Love. So cut us some slack when we look back in time and remember the glorious times when we were Single, Great at it and Positively Awesome. We gave it all up to spend our lives pleasing, growing with and appreciating one woman, and as emotionally sweet as that may sound, our genetics fight monogamy till the day we die.

Whether we go Pro or Retire from the Game all together, the choice is our own, but if we take the risk of love, we'll almost always lose, but we live for the dream of when we roll the dice and come up trumps.

For all of you incorrigible womanizers, 'Stay Thirsty, my Friends' and for your sake, I sure hope Hell is a Wanton Beer Garden.


Anonymous said...

Here we go again. I, 90% of the male population, am not entitled to have a view on the central tenet of this particular diatribe, but a few things occur to me. But before that, examine your heart honestly and say whether or not you would like a life partner? I'll not wait for the answer because even now I doubt I would be able to judge whether you are being honest or not.
Now I'll be wholly hypothetical, for reasons, dear Murtaza, you will appreciate. Women's asset is not only their looks. It's part of what makes them attractive. Men like to say that looks are the important thing, but don't you get bored, bored, bored, with an unsubtle mind? And again much of what you describe concerns relationships which are breaking down. Doesn't a man hope to find that wondrous thing, a being with whom he is wholly in sympathy. Passion may last, but isn't it more important that friendship and compatibility last?
We would never be compatible, dear Murtaza, were I a woman, because you just love to play with the possibilities of a subject, seizing on the trite, dressing it up a bit, shouting it in its new form from some soapbox, and at the same time hiding the real you. You know there might be some woman out there for you, who appreciates honesty and intellect, but you'd have to lose the playacting and show the considerate you. Is there such a being? Where is the real you? Speak from the heart and then you might find that all the problems that men see in marriage will fall away. Love Alec

Alpha Za said...

Hey Alec, hmm would I like a Life Partner, sure, why not. I like the idea of committing to someone for the duration of my life and having a football team sized family.

Men do like womens minds, which is why we tend to be attracted to the ones that drive us crazy, and which is why they probably intentionally do so. A guy doesn't meet a girl and instantly think, hey I bet she has an intriguing personality, a guy gives her a mental rating on how attractive she is. It's sad but true.
As for speaking from the heart, I'll work on it and get back to you.

Thanks for the comment!

Anonymous said...

How can you relate the prophet (PBUH) here?

Alpha Za said...

Typically it is rare for a man to marry an older woman. I was just stating the obvious exception to the rule, which is the Prophet (PBUH)

Which is why I emboldened and highlighted the section to minimize any ill feelings or misconception. Bibi Khadija (PBUH), was an extraordinary lady.