Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Career Day: Politicians

Why Become a Politician?....because LOL... it's like Freaking AWESOME!!! 

Becoming a politican is a terrific civic minded thing to do, by deciding devote one's life to public service, one (mostly land owning men) get to shape the destiny of our country. Plus you get flithy swim in a vat of steaming gold & wipe your ass with USD 100 dollar bills (Pak rupee depreciates far too much) rich.

Women have a significant number of reserved seat in the national and provincial assemblies, they don't seem to have the influence to go with it. Because the truth of the matter is women MNA's are picked by Men. 

Minister or MNA, most people can't tell differentiate . Just because a car has a tacky MNA emblem emblazoned accross the licencse plate doesn't mean that they are a sitting minister. Though I do wonder, that if an MNA car is involved in a hit and run, how exactly do you explain that.....after all.....which MNA? There are hundreds and they seem permanent ensconced in the major cities. In fact some have body doubles and chill in all of them.

The beauty about male politicans is that they don't really have to be the politican. Here comes the MNA....well, he's actually not the MNA, but his wife you can say he is the real MNA. To be fair, in Argentina after their President stepped down, his wife was elected President. My Hero. 

As a political stalwart you get to drive on the lyari expressway and talk about how your hard work had a vital role in building it and without your support that this would never have come into being. Ofcourse this discounts the fact that the express way has been shut down for the day...but who gives a shit about the bloods all the way!

Awesome bandookh brandishing body guard, it's every guys dream to be a hero, but to have your own personal blackwater style army. How freaking awesome is that....and since we have testosterome control issues, we are completely capable of finding new conflicts with which to use them...So we can't pick fights with the other political parties because we don't want the military stepping in, dissolving parliament and subsequently kicking our asses....we can't fight with the military since they have alot more guns...and nukes than we maybe we can pick a fight with those rural bandits...or terrorists....or whatever the US decides to call them this week.

Babes Babes Babes. One cannot say a man chooses politics because of hot women MNA , even though there are a few, and they seem pretty subservient . Women are suckers for power. Don't worry, men are suckers for hot girls. So it works out. This whole navigating a corporate life in order to get the car, the house, the ladies and the big fat bank account is much more efficiently achieved by going into politics.

Loose morals are a plus, in politics you don't have to be squeeky clean (infact it is an utterly devastating disadvantage).

All you need is: Land, Land, Land and friends in Politics...blood relations already in politics is an added bonus. If no land is present, pretend you do, go to a far flung bit of Pakistan and announce yourself as their savour, promise to bring them the world's biggest mosque (because the town's 38 people really can't keep using that verandah anymore), build huge dams, have massive subsidies, free food & water etc  and also claim to be related to the most influential person their, if they don't buy it, then wed that guy's daughter (note: do not forget to leave her there...afterall, moving away from home is very traumatic and you wouldn't want that for your jaanuman) or just marry the Quran 4 times if (she's really really....really ugly and if) you can swing it.

Politicians look really powerful and important, but the truth is that cumulatively, other than attending parties at the Marriott, show boating on TV and occasionally showing up the assembly to lambast the opposition, there isn't a whole lot to do. Though i'm sure that they get really sweet business cards that probably disintegrate whenever a government is dissolved (our printing costs must be insane).

So to all of you nice unemployed folk out their, do us all a favor and adjust your career path to Politics! It's rewarding even though you may never reach heaven. 


Amna K said...

(Raising up my hand from the audience):-

Hey, Freaking Awesome it is!! :-D But for unemployed men only. Because some of the unemployed women read this and are severely attracted to pursue this as a career for themselves. Please tell us how this could be freaking awesome for them too. (They're having brutal hormonal issues and are very impatient!!)

Love it! :-D

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

Awesomely rocking, never thought of it, Good Job not affected with recession at least , all time evergreen ;) ...thinking as an option... what do you say if i launch a new party Based in Hyderabad and operating from Bangalore? :-)

Alpha Za said...

@ Amna: Fortunately for the women in Pakistan, there are a large number of reserved seats (33% I believe), and there their are few women in politics, so you have very good odds.

@ Ateeq: Recession proof jobs are a blessing, Politics is certainly for you. I think you should definitely launch a party based in Hyderabad and operating from Bangalore; If Altaf Hussain can maintain an iron grip over the MQM from the UK, I'm sure you can manage a miles.

Amna K said...

Not me! I was talking about the crazy feministas you despise. They know they have a number of reserved seats. Their problem is that you describe such awesome and attractive things for the male politicians through this post, they want to gain such kinds of benefits too. Will they be able to be as cool as them? Do they get Man Babes and bandookh brandishing bodyguards too?


Alpha Za said...

@ Amna: Thanks for the comment. No Feminista would be anywhere cool as a Male Politico Dynamo....Ever.

The only Man babes in politics are the ones loyally serving our closeted MNA's. Though there are a fair few no. of men who would do anything to please a women, even if it means handing over their balls.

They would however receive bodyguards, but they'd insist that they'd be comprised of women. Eventually everyone just watches and waits for the inevitable lesbian orgy to occur.


Anonymous said...

Of course if you have the traits described in this video you will go far in politics: