Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Women & The Myths: My Turn!!!

Why I Wrote This:

Around a month ago I wrote a blog for dawn.com regarding Men & the Myths, and a few days a response piece Women & the Myths was published, I found it quite entertaining and felt that I should add my two cents and correct her where she went a bit astray.... I naturally also have my unedited blog posting...

1. Women Are Age Conscious: There is possibly no creature ever created that is more age conscious than a woman. The entire cosmetics industry relies on women's age appropriate insecurities. The goal for a woman, is to look like she's is perpetually 29. Apparently there is something magical about that number. Men, don't care. The older we get, the better looking we get. Women look hot in their teens while guys look scrawny and awkward. Men date younger women because we can. Older women find it exceedingly difficult to date younger men for the very simple reason that guys have no desire to date men their mothers age.

2. Women Are Weight Conscious: Yes, they are. Women care more about their weight than any  man in the history of time ever has. And with good evidence, has anyone seen a really successful obese women? Obese women don't get promoted to the top of their organization or Marry stellar looking guys. Men luckily can be the size of a whale and still make CEO, In fact in Italian culture, a man with a significant pot belly is referred to as a man of respect. Gotta Love the hypocrisy. oh and it goes without saying that fat men with big bank accounts can generally get their pick of hottie gold digging elite.

3. Women are Bad Drivers: Yes, they are. For the very simple reason that guys can zone out and thinking about nothing while they drive. Women have the amazing capacity to think about everything and  worry about anything that could possibly happen. Which is why women aren't issued licenses to operate heavy duty vehicles....and motor cycles. Besides, God said so, which is why women aren't allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia! Men Drive cars because they enjoy the experience, women drive cars because they enjoy where they take them...typically the malls. In Pakistan this has resulted in men hiring Chauffeurs for their women folk....bad drivers or just plain Genuis?

4. Women Are Shopoholics: Women are incorrigible Shopoholics, women love the experience, they cherish it and find it as addictive as men find Video Games. However, video games are a one time cost, whereas womens shopping tends to be life long journey of discovery for the perfect black dress, the perfect shoes etc...hint: they don't exist, The female form has the tendency to change over time.....I'm just saying. Women also equate it to a sport, however I'd like to point out that most sports are time bound and have clear objectives....unless they consider spending as much money as they can in an allotted amount of time as 'objectives', which reminds me why some men won't give their wives these things called 'credit cards'.

Men brag about how little they paid for something, women brag about how large the amount they paid was. Usually when it is their boyfriends money. When they do save a token amount on things like peas, they tend to reward themselves with things like an Coach Bag....math please?

5. Women Are Physically Weak: Women actually are not fragile, they are just built differently. I would say that they are sturdy, for no other reason than that the birth giving process seems hardly the pain free delicate task in the world. It's not their fault, it's nature. Men recognize that women are typically more fragile and act accordingly. Because we are gentlemen and all guys love be told how strong we are. And women do like stroking our egos so that can make men do whatever they want.

6. Women Are Bad at Numbers: Definitely not true, women are great at math, and they've solved an equation that says that if they play their cards right, they'll be married to a dude who can bank roll their lack of math. And in future they can use this lack of math to justify their spending. 'Oh, it was for five Hundred dollars. haha, I thought it was for 5.00 bucks...Silly me'...More like Silly US!

7. Women Are Maternal: Women are not inbuilt with a maternal gene. I can categorically confirm that some women don't care for children at all, in some cases even their own. Some women do, something to do with carrying 10 extra pounds over the course of 9 months does a lot to your mental state. That said, I have seen heavily pregnant women drinking coffee, eating cheese, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes (this says nothing good about the people I have known). My advice to men is simple, If you find a great maternal girl, marry her, have some kids and if you are still unsatisfied...well there are marriages numbers 2, 3, an 4. But make sure you marry maternal babe first.

8. Women Love Gay Men: I have known alot of women who think of a gay best friend as the ultimate prize to be had. They like the idea of a male to go shopping with, and who shares interests with them. I think women who find gay men to be perfect, should really re-think it, if they EVER compare a straight man to a gay man. I have also known girls who are freaked out by Gay men. No idea why, I assume it has something to do with their assuming that the guy is 'undercover' gay and are waiting to drunken shag them. Girls are Weird. Men sadly, just don't understand their gay brethren; 'Why would you go for a guy, when you can hookup with any hot girl you want?' Seriously, a motion in the UN ought to be passed thanking them for improving every other mans odds.

9. Women Take Forever to Get Ready: Men get ready very quickly, we pick what we want to wear and get ready to head out the door. Women seem to put on a fashion show every time they are about to go out. Which has led me to the conclusion that no man should ever be on time to pick his lady friend up.

10. Women Are Manipulative: Women can be manipulative and the reason why they are perceived as such is because of their subtle communication skills coupled with their passive aggressiveness. A girl won't outright tell her guy that she hates his clothes, but slowly and surely items will start disappearing and after a period of time a guys entire wardrobe looks like the Marks & Spencer/Banana Republic Catalogue. If men don't like something, we just say it....usually to our detriment for being insensitive.

The Big Idea:

Women have to live with man misconceptions about who they are and how they act. However women tend to find ways to make it work for them, usually through whining about their lifes difficulties, a Man's pride requires him to bear burdens silently. Bravo to Woman Kind for Making Myths Work For Them!

2 comments:

Alec Lindsay said...

You just knew what point 8 would do to me didn't you? Well, success! It worked! Grrrrr! Look, I'm going to take the bait! All gays are not good at shopping, or have 'good taste', or know about decorating, or can dance! Why would you be gay? Because you can have a beautiful/funny/strong/sexy man, of course. And the proportion of gays to straights doesn't vary with the changing centuries, so your chances of getting a woman are no better or worse than they've ever been, so you've no need to thank the UN.
Otherwise, marked out of ten, for accuracy - 1. Five - men are just as age conscious;
2. Nine;
3. Five. Women statistically have fewer accidents, and get cheaper insurance, but have less spatial sense;
4. Nine. It's my experience that women are keen on a bargain, but spend fortunes on things they don't need because they are a 'bargain';
5. Six. I'm not sure about this one because women don't stroke my ego. What would be the point!
6. Eight. Women are good at math, but the reasoning lost you points;
7. Eight. Some are, some aren't, maternal. You score highly because you (rightly) question the strength of the maternal gene;
8. Nought. Grrrrrr!
9. Ten**;
10. Eight. Again you score highly, not entirely for accuracy, although it is fairly accurate, but because it's funny.

As for the conclusion, that's clearly rubbish. I've known so many noisily whiney manipulative men you would not believe! ;-P
Love, Alec

Alpha Za said...

Haha, Hey Alec, I'm glad you took the bait, it's always fun debating with you. Although not all gay men are great at shopping, women perceive them to be ideal shopping buddies, blame the stereotype.

I guess you do have a solid point as the gay community typically be attractive, but it depends largely on what turns you on.

thanks for the marking system, the reasoning is meant to be flawed and biased, but I'm glad there are some logical components hidden in there.

I accept your criticism as a gentleman who appreciates all valid opinions, and people who find him devilishly funny.
Murtaza