Sunday, June 20, 2010

Platonic Friendships: I Call Bull Shit!!!

Platonic friendships are defined as affectionate, non-sexual relationships. I don't think men don't typically have them with women. I doubt anything resembling platonic friendships actually exists. The only platonic inter-sex friendships that exist are between guys and their buddy's girl friend; It’s because we go into Bhaabi mode. Other than that, a girl may as well believe that she's walking around with a bull’s eye on her backside. Even if she's ugly, after all, there is somebody for everybody. 

A girl knows that a guy is interested in them, but she isn't interested in him, so she makes him, her platonic friend. The only way she can make this utterly and completely clear is requesting him as her 'brother' on Facebook. Short of that she's leaving open the possibility that even though you aren’t Mr. Right, you may be Mr. ‘Eh Alright’, which is wise since majority of women fear becoming an old maid.  

Guys pretend to be platonic friends because they want to be more something later, or they buy that crap women spew that I like to get to know the person better before they date....complete lies, a woman will either date you or she won't, she'll use you till you become wiser...take it as a lesson learnt and applaud yourself for trying.

If you are a guy and want to remain a glorified back up to a girl who thinks she can get something better, but if she can't fingers crossed that she see's you Mr. ‘I’m just the Friend’ as a viable backup option, then by all means go ahead.

Men do exactly the same thing, particularly with girls who we'd feel ashamed showing off to our friends (however, in the right circumstances we may be willing to invest in plastic surgery...seriously).

Is it actually subconsciously manipulative to have such relationships?...yes, but it works both ways and benefits both parties. It fulfills some of the relationship functions of having someone to talk to about your day with a member of the opposite sex, solid practice on light flirting and tremendous ego boosts.

I always wondered why parents get upset when their kids are up late hours at night talking to the opposite sex. Well, it's because they are worried about WHY they are talking. And naturally, they've already figured out that there is no such thing as 'just friends', How many married men do you know that have a chick as their best friend.....does the number ZERO match your tally?

That is also why when men get married they are forced to give up their platonic female friendships, call it a by product of being married to the opposite sex. It’s not that women are generally insecure about their partners fidelity, but they are aware how conniving other women are and how dumb men can be (once our ego is stroked, we go back for more).

Men use platonic friendships with women to gain insight into the opposite sex, we don't understand women, so we create 'fraanships' to get some intel...that's just smart use of available resources.

Men make friends with girls because they want to be in a position where they are able to squeeze into a position where women lean on them, and once they are reliant, they pull the plug. Nice strategy if there ever was one, as once that girl realizes that she can't take platonic boy toy for granted unless they date them...genius really, particularly how needy women are and once they become reliant on having a guy to 'deal' with them...well, then that’s the ball game.

Women use men through these platonic friendship to do things that they would usually ensnare their boyfriends into doing, whether it is running errands, taking them shopping, etc all whilst screaming to the world, 'We're just friends, what is wrong with you' etc etc well, I hate to break it to you, but lean back and think for a second why a man is putting himself through hell (we don't enjoy hanging out at kapra centers or playing chauffeur) to please's not because he wants to be 'your friend'. Odds are that he has plenty of friends who like doing things that other men would likely be classified as 'fun'. 

The friendship that he’s looking for has an exercisable option clause where they can become friends with additional benefits that may cultivate into a relationship of the sort that a girls parents wouldn't be a huge fan off. Most men don't do things like that just to be 'nice', they do it because they have an end game in mind. And if that end game doesn't involve that girl or her friends, it consists of developing female expertise. 

Practice makes perfect, the more female friends you have, the more likely you are to successfully manage and deal with women. Platonic friendships....bleh. More like friends with benefits (halal or otherwise). 

A version of this Article appeared in Dawn Images


Anonymous said...

First again! I promise I'm not waiting to scoop up the pearls that fall from your lips. Anyway you more or less disqualified me early on by defining your remit as 'inter-sex relationships'. I have those but you would say they don't qualify for the purposes of your argument. Deeply jaundiced, as usual, and depressing, as your views so often are ;) they made me think about the friendships I have with heterosexual men. Actually I have lots, and of varying degrees of closeness. I wonder whether they should consider they are walking around with a 'bull's eye on their backside'! Ok, sometimes, but mostly not. But there again 'we' aren't all the same. And do women make friends with me because I'm 'safe'. It's possible, sometimes yes, sometimes no. That's the trouble you see. These polemics always end up oversimplifying the situation. Still they wouldn't be fun if they didn't. Now the real target audience can have a go! Love, Alec

Alpha Za said...

@ Alec: Your promptness is outstanding. I suppose the 'what's in it for me' mentality took hold when I wrote this particularly nugget of crazy rant. You make a very valid point with the over simplification aspect, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you HAD to oversimplify and generalize, this is the inherent motivation that you'd see. Everyone want's something.

Alec, thanks for the comment, and no matter what I write, you are the target audience, man.

Anonymous said...

It will be a sad day when you don't feel like writing a 'nugget of crazy rant', but I guess then you'll be dead - and that WILL be a sad day. Love, Alec

Alpha Za said...

Aww, thanks Alec: You can head up my funeral possession.

Anum Batool said...

crazy blogosphere!! interesting.

Alpha Za said...

@ Anum: Thanks for the comment. The blogosphere doesn't believe in Sanity. Lassi on the other hand is something we can all get behind.

Rukhsana Shama said...

Do we have like button, here, just like facebook??? :P

Alpha Za said...

@ rsh: Buttons are under consideration assuming we can monetize not like facebook.

Sonia said...

Very logical write-up. Enjoyed with my nespresso once again.
The definition of a friend as changed a lot during recent years especially back home. Oscar Wilde said:
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship

Alpha Za said...

@ Sonia: Thanks for the comment Sonia, I'm glad that my write-up augmented your nespresso. I'm pleased that my logic is as infinite as my talents; much like Oscar Wilde whose wisdom guides us even today.