Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Ladies, please stop trying to change your men...

I am sick & tired of hearing women complaints from my male friends in relationships. So hear me now, and hear me clear women of the world!

"Women, please stop trying to change your men" (I said men partly in case you are currently juggling multiple relationships (respect & what up high five!)).

You find it exhausting, we find it exhausting. So lets find a way to deal... make a deal even.

We can either option 1. communicate more or option 2. just ignore the differences and have a dandy old time and let the relationship runs it course....(subject to life expectancy and pregnancies)

All those who vote to "communicate more" please give your selves a hand of applause and then promptly use that same hand to slap yourself. Because communication between a man and a woman is hard to the point of insanity. Women think with more complexity than a man ever will.

All those who voted for Option two, pat yourselves in the back and realize that your significant other in all likelyhood hates you part of the time. Big deal. Nothing and Nobody's perfect (Except the big guy; he put us all in a perfectly concocted mess to test us....and have fun watching us squirm).

Ever wonder why they say behind every great man stands a woman? Its because every great man realized early on that the best way to avoid that woman was to work longer hours and be subsequently be home less.

Women are masters of subtle communication, there are more avenues that women use to communicate on that they probably don't even realize.
Men, on the other hand, like things in power point form with short attractive looking bullets. It is an insurmountable chasm that can only be bridged if both sides appreciate the difficulty of that problem.

By communicating, one prevalent theme emerges. Men don't like to change and women like fact they like changing. Put it down to the Male species' adolescent appreciation of sports or having the same mindset and hobbies as from their teens; the male species doesn't like to innovate from within. Yes men have the ability to pretend to care and adjust their habits slightly by lying to their partners ('Honey, that salad you sent me for lunch was delicious, I can't wait to try the cauliflower soup tomorrow").

Women may be devious, but Men will Lie outright to avoid conflict with their Partners. (See Happily Married men blogs for details)

Hence, the dilemma, Women don't just like or appreciate change, want to be the catalyst of change in their man's life (for case studies please examine the evolving habits of whipped men everywhere). I'm not sure if its genetic and to be fair, women have to worry more about things earlier in life like settling down, having kids, having enough money to take care of kids, saving enough money for kids college, than your average male does. Essentially, we can reproduce till the day we die. Boo Yeah Father Time.

Personally, I've always found it odd how women want to change the guys they date, I mean, those poor lads were good enough for them to date in the first place, so now whats the problem? Obviously there can't possibly be so many things wrong with the man in question that act as causes for break-ups.....such is the mystery of womenfolk.

So here is what I've learnt from other people (the source of these will anonymous till my death bed or until his girlfriend beats it out of me)

Life of a couple; There are always going to be things about both people that the other wants to change, its all in how the person goes about achieving (or attempting) that change. It is a process. With woman the stereotype is more superficial in nature, like clothing, or furniture (easy enough, once it gone... its gone and men typically don't like shopping adventures) but can also be habits (which are much harder to change...on average 30 days and the source of constant nagging). As for Men, I personally think we just want women to nag less and keep your end of anything we've decided on doing.

Changing attributes in partners doesn't work unless its something that can suit both people (give & take if you will). Even then, one doesn't want to give control to the other person, which is the real flaw in communication. When a man's female partner decides to tell him exactly what she wants him to do, he'll do the opposite or at least subconsciously undermine her desires. This may lead to pretending to act in an acceptable manner, which the man will resent. Delicate exhaustive communication is required for any progress.

Eventually, after undergoing much resentment, both partners just become more understanding of each others quirks or learn to ignore things that bug them or pretend its a deficiency that is actually cute and endearing about the other.

"Oh that Ali, he still rolls his socks up into little balls and attempts free throws into the laundry basket just like when we first met, its so endearing and probably why I still love him."

Ladies, stick with option 2, life is short, you never know how long you can drag it out, hell it could even be a lifetime but do us a favor, appreciate men for what we are and love us and support us despite our frustrating limitations, we've inherently already promised to do the same. In our heart of hearts we truly want our relationships to last the race, but we don't like changing what we are to get there.

Just in case Option 1 is undertaken:
In support of Bro's everywhere I am launching
"Bro's having change issues with their Significant others Anonymous".
or BS Anonymous
The meetings will entail:
Poker Wars: We will indulge in poker (and improve members ability to bluff/lie)
Board games: Risk & Monopoly (improve their negotiation skills)
Sports hour: (discuss sports at length be used as fodder to annoy their nagging partners)
Feelings minute: Quick fire ideas how to avoid them and preferably effective means to drown them.
Nap Time: Who doesn't love a good nap without dreading their partners coming to the room to wake them to do chores.

The title is intentional, any gay members are welcome to join as their insight will be useful in subtle communications classes (until such members appear we will be practicing for the Shrugging Shoulders and burping Olympics).
Note: Any Spies found will be killed via an IV drip of grease from McDonalds. Don't mess with us. Seriously.

Member fees are nominal. All proceeds will go to charity; be used to fund future Bachelor parties...preferably in different zip codes where relationship rules will not apply and the only change is in Poker Chips.

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