Saturday, May 29, 2010

Sadistic: How to Punish with the Corrupt

Pakistan has more than it's own fair share of corrupt politicians, not only are they corrupt, but they are the lying cheating child sodomizeing scum of the earth. Needless to say, I don't think much of them, and neither do most educated Pakistani's. Unfortunately we're an elitist minority and that means we don't yield the electoral power that most of the poorly educated majority of the sycophantic morons feel.

Recently a politician was forced to resign from his Parliamentary seat, because well...he lied about his educational qualifications.......namely that he had any. The esteemed elected representative who was claiming to have earned a Bachelors in Islamiat had no clue over the most basic tenets of Islam or the Quran....which judging by his actions and profession quite frankly doesn't surprise me a whole lot either.

But, what does surprise me is that this esteemed fellow, Dasti, resigned from his MNA seat before the courts kicked him out of office, was then appointed as special advisor to the Prime Minister and then finally got re-elected from that very same seat he was forced to vacate in a by-election.....on the promises of the same Prime Ministers promises for a cool (by cool we mean pricey) Mega project for the area....if Dasti was elected. Abuse of power much?


Now, I do a fair bit of whining, and oft feel guilty for not doing something more productive for the betterment of society in general. So, with that in mind, I have developed some innovative measures on how corrupt officials ought to be punished. These, if properly implemented should reduce the incidence of corruption or at the very least make it less obvious. I may never become a politician supremo myself (sniffity sniff my ass), but I'd sure love to provide the framework on how to remind these wonderful public servants that they work for the people, not their Private Wealth Managers ecstasy overdose driven happiness.  

Make corruption the only crime in Pakistan that is eligible for castration. ohk, maybe that's a bit harsh (not), we'll just have them publicly raped by some sexually ravenous gay friendly Taliban. The key idea is that to make the punishment for engaging in corrupt activities so harsh that no one would be corrupt for fear of the potential repercussions. oh, and I'm sure we can find a few sadistic gay tourists who would love that shit.

Public Televised Flogging Events complete with pay-per-view public viewings on the web. Now, this would obviously be adult rated (like we care about those pesky ratings anyway), and by publicly broadcasting the impact of abusing ones power and being just plain fraudulent, that everyone will think twice about the next time they both offer or take a bribe. Gotta Love Saudi Arabia, they even have public squares where they behead people, cut off their hands and what not. You can use the Ad and TV revenue to build a few more Parks....and fund a few circuses...I love the circus. So cool to see the seemingly ordinary accomplish the finding an honest politician for example.

Government Coffers Waste Reduction Plan: When a department makes a budget, a good chunk of change tends to go missing. Fuck that. Make those bastards in charge a wee bit more accountable. Have ALL publicly allocated funds disbursements all posted on a web site. When money is allocated to a project, show a the damn progress chart, if you need help, I'm sure there is some malnourished middle school kid who can do it for you. Now If that money isn't being used for the stated purpose or is willfully being looted, take the bastards out and let the Dobermans skull fuck them before eating them....there is something to be said for German efficiency. After their dead, we'll take the usable organs and sell them, the funds will be used to be put back in the project so that....wait for can actually be completed and serve the purpose it was intended for....yes I realize there might be a shortfall or two, but odds are, the government might actually get shit done. Fingers Crossed.

Pakistan Gladiators: Politicians love to tell us how brave they are and how they need enough security to conquer and occupy Singapore, to maintain their safety.... so I say we should put them to the test. Russell Crowe this Shit. If we find a corrupt Politician, we put him/her in an arena (cricket stadiums will do, we're definitely not getting any International Cricket any time soon) and then watch as they battle an assortment of Donkeys, Lions, Taliban, Elephants and perhaps the odd Kraken if we snare one up. Television ratings would be awesome. Krakens are Cool. 

For particularly attractive Corrupt Women, once convicted will be made available for online Prison Gangbangs flicks...they will also be given Desi Lollywood Hooker names like Twinkie and Dolly. The revenues from these will be used for organizations that improve womens rights. Gotta love the irony of it. Fingers crossed there aren't too many of'll be bad for our public image....not. 

Finder Fee Rewards: Those catching corrupt officials will be given rewards, like no taxes for life or a bunch of huge bags o wheat. Or in fact, let's go one better and give that person a percentage of that corrupt individuals wealth. Bet you anything that alot of scum sucking corruption infested departments would be cleaned out real quick. After everyone is done selling each other out, the government will have some pretty huge account balances. 

Once a Politician is convicted, all of his holdings will be seized. His cars, his land, his factories, even his dog become property of the state for the exclusive use of poverty reduction. You rob the people, and now the poorest of that people get something back. It's only fair dammit! 

I hate corrupt people, and at times I wonder is there even anything that we can do about it. We have honest people, and we have corrupt people, but the sphere of Politics is filled with the latter, because no decent human being wants to play in a field infested with a bunch of snap friendly vipers.

Maybe if we set an example and really punish the super corrupt to show how it's not going to fly anymore, as opposed to say, letting them leave the country in the comfort of their foreign bank accounts, people would have a greater incentive to be honest. At the very least we could put the bastards behind bars and have it actually be a prison as opposed to glorified hotel complete with booze and a brothel. 

Then again, maybe if we all act corruptly, then we have a more even playing field... but why should we fail at being decent human beings just because our leaders are? Where is the Honor in That? Then again, maybe we've forgotten what honor means. 


Alpha Za said...

Thanks Amna, it's not that honor is forgotten, it's just never considered anymore. We all care about what others think of us, but we justify our actions by saying others are doing it or referring to officials who really do rob the country blind.

Public rape, flogging, it's all good. The message has to be sent. It has to be powerful, it has to make people reconsider their actions.

How about Wusses vs. Wild?

Women Rights activists should's a good cause!

The percentages will be decided by an impartial person...but yes, it'll be hefty enough!

Thanks for the comment.

Amna K said...

Wusses vs. Wild be good enough! :-)

Whoever decides the percentage, it has to be a good chunk of the moron's wealth. Not for me, it's for those from whom he had stolen it.

Alpha Za said...

Well, considering the guy will lose everything, that shouldn't be too hard to swing by.

it's a worthy incentive na!

Anonymous said...

Don't know how to approach this one, poor Murtaza. Corruption is evil, but the fact that we are all corrupt in some way, to a greater or lesser degree, might make us pause before we seek vengeance of the cruellest most sadistic kind. Where is humanity. I know you'll leap in with your usual blandishments about this being satirical and where was the corrupt person's humanity, but that's not answer enough for the diminution of yours. You seem to be bringing the evil out in your followers as well. It's not difficult. Civilisation is a skin deep veneer, maintained only with the most assiduous vigilance. Be careful you do not destroy it. You are no doubt right about the people you flay with your words. Be careful you don't become one of them. Love, Alec

Amna K said...

@Alec: I'm sure Murtaza can speak for himself in answer to the criticism you carefully have given him. I just wanted to say something here. The part of the world we belong to (and I'm not suggesting that you might be ill-informed or something-but you could be) the meaning of the word 'humanity' that you wrote there, is not comprehended here; or probably forgotten; or probably not considered; like Murtaza said honour is not considered. Although this piece is satirical, but let's face it here: This is the way we want to treat those who let our countrymen die from poverty and starvation. Because we have, most unfortunately, crossed all thresholds. They are not given any voice. They ask for their rights and they are told: 'What Rights?' Then we see them grab guns. The next thing we know is 'oooh.. terrorism.. oooh.. extremism. Cool! Lets fill our bank accounts with the taxes these fools pay and run away!'
A preposterous thing you've said in the end. I don't think flaying those people with his words could make him like them. Or even me! Because I completely agree with the ways of punishment he has devised in this post. Well, we do like to call ourselves the 'Enlightened Ones'! hehehe!


Alpha Za said...

@ Alec: Thanks for the comment man, I'm not too worried, we are all corrupt to a degree as you say, but I think those who are corrupt enough to overtly lie, cheat, steal and even murder all whilst pretending to be righteous about it don't deserve the greatest amount of sympathy. The key is knowing the difference between right and wrong, before you even look at the grey.

Now, this is a satire piece, but let's say for a second that it wasn't. What is the appropriate punishment? Where are the real consequences. You WANT to harshly punish these cretins for what they've done to the nation. Atleast to discourage others.

The reason why I suppose people would agree with this post is that they too are tired of all the corruption and want to see harsh consequences on those who've raped the country in more ways than one. It's a natural human response, but obviously we still need to think about what is right and what is wrong.

@ Amna: Thank you for the comment. This part of the world is certainly different with our election of corrupt entitled schmucks. We are totally the 'Enlightened Ones!'

Anonymous said...

I admit my ability to detect satire slipped a bit here, but on the other hand don't delude yourselves into thinking you are the enlightened ones (and I get the reference). Of course I'm ill-informed compared with the people who have to live with the corruption and the opperssion, but I was trying, in a mild sort of way, to suggest we could all become like the corrupt oppressors if we start from a position of hate. Hate breeds self-righteousness. And once you think you are the just and righteous, then justice and humility starts to go out of the window. Just look at your rulers if you don't believe me. Ten to one (oops, betting not allowed) they started life thinking they were the just and righteous ones. Isn't it always the way. All power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Perhaps just the contemplation of power has started the process of corruption in you two. Joke! Love, Alec.

Alpha Za said...

@ Alec: We could all become like those corrupt officials we tend to despise, and we ought to defend against that. Self Righteous people can in fact do more harm than corrupt. The 9/11 Terrorism proved that. So I agree that we ought to ensure that we don't become self righteous and lose all pretense of justice and humility. I think our rulers have a solid entitlement mindset, nothing else. The country exists to serve and feed them. Period. That's the problem.

Besides, in order to be self righteous you tend to have an idea of whats right in the first place. If that's off center...well, we're all fucked then aren't we?

haha, I certainly hope that the contemplation doesn't ruin me.

Anonymous said...

I have a sort of belief that you won't be ruined! Can't think why! You are a sort of shiny hero to me. You must guard against it going to your head! :)

Alpha Za said...

@ Alec: Fingers crossed I retain some sort of decency and that I Don't get ruined. Glad that you inherently have some faith in me. I'll be sure to keep myself in check ;)