Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Be Nice to your Local Prostitute

Prostitutes; there is unlikely to be any group that has more prejudices against them than hookers. There have been countless debates both bashing and expressing sympathy for these prostitutes. Between hearing about how evil and morally depraved they are, and how sad it is, that they are being forced into this profession, I have a rather different take. 

How about this. Why don't we all gather together, grabs some red bulls, take donations and Thank them (the red bull and donation kitty is for me btw, financially the ladies do pretty well for themselves (and their dead beat husbands)).

Prostitutes are called a range of things, from home wreckers to Satan's mistresses etc. But I really do think they deserves society's thanks. It is the world oldest profession after all, lets take some pride in our historical traditions (incidentally it's much older than marriage). 

Can anyone compute how many unsatisfying marriages have been preserved as husbands, chose to hit up a brothel rather than embarking on an scandalous affair with the maid, nanny, office colleague, Secretary, random hot chick roaming around on the street?

Having met men in Pakistan in particular, I would offer that millions have been saved, and millions more will be. As human beings, its easy to hate someone if they are a vague stereotype, but if it's someone that people know personally. Well that is an emotional time bomb waiting to happen. 

As a people we take abnormal pride in the institution of marriage (family is everything etc etc etc blah blah blah...blah blah blah), so we tend to turn a blind eye to allegations of infidelity, and focus our attention on that damned hooker jauntily strolling on the side walk. 

Incidentally, maybe one should remind themselves that the only reason that the lady is there in the first place is because the guys in the community avail themselves to her services. 

I'm not saying that all women should start behaving like prostitutes in the bedroom (though I know any number of men who wouldn't be opposed)  or should blame themselves (which men cheating on them will liberally do anyway), but they should take comfort in that their men are (hopefully) discreetly going to professional....relievers, rather than having a public affair.   

I asked one of my friends, who admittedly has a wandering eye (only one, the other is on a perpetual lookout for his nosy wife) about his prolific infidelity, he offered this; 

'The only real difference between a whore and your wife, is that at least the whore tells you up front how much you'll have to pay; because either way you're paying for it.' 

It's a pretty blunt justification. He also spoke about the magical feeling of control and how it made him feel like a man etc, but he is a moron, so I tuned out as a hot girl walked by. 

Now I can go on for pages and pages about how morally depraved my friend is, how sad it is that he unable to keep his marriage vows  and what utter havoc he is engulfing his marriage in, but why bother. 

If he wanted my advice, he'd have asked me first (preferably before he grabbed his wallet and made his way to the working girl strip). Though, come to think of it, he did have the habit of carrying a lot of small bills on him.  

But the fact is that he didn't (and men in general don't), because we are all imperfect and try desperately to be better than we actually are. That facade is very important to any man, regardless of how little he respects his family. So it is important that it remain a secret for all involved, otherwise the ensuing scandals destroys not only his marriage, but the family network that (in all likelyhood) put them together in the first place. 

Seriously, blame the guys. They are rational adults (when not in heat) and make their own decisions (when their wives aren't making it for them), dumping blame on a girl who is trying to make ends meet is pretty hypocritical. 

After all, we are all a product of our circumstances, which is why Islam is a religion of tolerance. Which means, that we have a right to hold ourselves to whatever standards we wish, but we cannot impose our values and choices on others (though if we could, I vote for slutty skirt week). 

Oddly enough, in Bangladesh a cleric promulgated that Islamically, prostitution is legal and is a legitimate way for a gal to make some coin. Apparently no one here got the message. 

Ever wondered why? Because prostitution is not a religious issue, nor is it really a moral one. It is social, admittedly a lot of women are forced into it (by men btw), but end of the day we are all given choices and if a girl wishes to choose this profession, she ought to be lauded. After all, prostitutes typically have a nil to a no chance in hell probability to getting a life with the perfect man and a picket fence. She is instead a social outcast (albeit a fairly wealthy one).

She takes one for the team (team being the institution of long marriages ). 

No man takes pride in visiting a prostitute. If you ask a guy what he did today, he is unlikely to reply 

"oh that hooker strolling around on main street, she said I was so good, that she gave me a discount, What Up (high five)!"

A guy doesn't tell his friends about his liaisons unless he is an idiot. The fact is that most men are idiots (please refer to my Tiger Woods post for details), we are terribly at subtle lies, so an evening spent with a prostitute becomes a fully fledged battle with a gang of heroin addicts, one of whom gave him a hickey.....and lipstick on the collar...and was bathed in perfume (cheap to expensive depending on the Hookers rate). 

Women do realize that their spouses are cheating, they tend to instead focus their anger on the working girls rather than their husbands, who somehow are absolved of the blame, because hormonely men cannot resist an available women (even if the women costs 10% of that wealthy guys take home salary). That is flipping insane.  Besides, married women do benefit. 

Prostitutes are professionals. They know what they are doing. I am sure that guys learn (and perfect) a few tricks with them that their wives and girlfriends will appreciate later. 

Which begs the question; Ladies, ever wonder how your husband has finally improved their technique and has now mastered the art of spooning? Well look no further than your local street walker whom you jeer at on a daily basis. 

Stop throwing stones at them, instead throw a reef of flowers (if you have money then throw that into my donation kitty...and lob the red bull at me....very gently). 

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